Your first mistake is comparing yourself to someone else

What actions steps will get you what you want?

How often do we do compare ourselves to others in our daily lives? Not just about our speaking skills, but about everything? The envy, the resentment, the competition, the discouragement -- all because we don't have what someone else has or we can't be what someone else is.

How often have you compared yourself to someone else, saying things to yourself like, "I wish I made as much money as so-and-so," or "I wish I had her hair," or "I'll never have a house like that," or "I'll never be as successful as him"? This list can go on infinitely, because when you're comparing yourself to others, there's always someone who has what you want, be it a concrete possession, a physical trait, or an intangible quality.

As a speaker, your first mistake is thinking that you should be or can be like someone else. You shouldn't and you can't, and I wish I could just end this post here and have that be the end of it. But even though you know that logically ("Of COURSE I can't really be like Tony Robbins. That's just silly..."), you still crave and desire and disappoint yourself.

So let's break it down.

Say you want to be like Tony Robbins -- and I say this because I and other speaking coaches I know have had clients literally say this to us.

We're going to start with the assumption that this is NOT POSSIBLE. Okay? However, let's look at what you really mean by saying you want to be like Tony Robbins.

1. Tony Robbins is charismatic. You would like to be charismatic.

2. Tony Robbins is an eloquent speaker. You would like to be more eloquent.

3. Tony Robbins' style is authentic and personal. You want to come across as authentic and personal.

4. Tony Robbins is successful at motivating people to take action. You want to be successful at motivating people to take action.

Now we have something to work with!

How can you work on your charisma? Here's a great article describing the ten habits of charismatic people; you can start there.

How can you be more eloquent? For starters, work on your preparation and practice (here are 211 blog posts I've written with the theme of preparation). Every successful speaker prepares and practices way more than you do.

How can you come across as more authentic? Start with this post on keeping your words and actions in alignment and follow the links to related articles.

How can you motivate people to take action? First, learn to be persuasive (this post will give you some basic tips). Then follow these examples from a speaker who gives the audience actual tools they can use.

Comparing yourself to others is not a self-esteem-building practice. We typically find ourselves lacking (unless the people you're comparing yourself to are train wrecks on reality shows, then congratulations for not sinking to the depths of reality TV).

Rather than compare yourself to successful speakers and getting discouraged, look at the qualities and skills of that speaker you admire and break down how you can gain those skills and demonstrate those qualities in a way that is authentically you.

Determine what you want and then create concrete action steps to get there. You can do this!

How do you work on presenting the most awesome version of yourself on stage? Share in the comments!

Help me help Daisy, and get a special deal for yourself!

If you've ever had a furry friend, you know how disheartening it is to discover that she or he has health problems. You want the best for your loved ones, whether human, canine, feline, or other fuzzy, feathered or scaly family member.

Many of you have been part of my community for a long time and might remember our adoption of two middle-aged kitties (Daisy and Tiger) in December 2011, after their owner died and left them homeless.

These kitties came at a time when we were still grieving the loss of our third elderly kitty in three years, and they brought so much life and joy back to our lives!

Now Daisy, who is only nine, is having some rather mysterious health problems. She lost a significant amount of weight last year, and after having been fairly stable for a while with the help of our vet, just last week she hit a new low. We knew we would need to dig deeper, so off she went for more blood work, x-rays and an abdominal ultrasound.

Unfortunately, what they found was not only NOT good news, but also not the reason for her weight loss, so while we've discovered that she has enlarged lymph nodes and an abnormally small, damaged kidney, and that she needs B12 injections to make up for nutrient malabsorption in her small intestine, we still don't know why she's not absorbing nutrients from her food.

And the medical bills are starting to pile up, with the knowledge that there are more tests and more treatments to come as we navigate this rocky course. We are cautiously optimistic; whatever is happening in her lymph nodes does not seem to be aggressive and may be related to other inflammatory issues rather than lymphoma.

The good news is that she's eating well and all her cat behaviors are intact: She scratches her scratching post, she cleans and sunbathes, and she loves to climb into our laps for snuggles. She's not acting like a sick cat, and we think she's feeling okay.

In order to manage these unexpected expenses and make sure that Daisy has the best care she can receive, I've decided to throw a "Get Daisy Healthy" Sale!

Until this Friday, June 14th, I'm offering you a whopping 66% off my home study version of Speak to Engage: 7-Step Shortcut to Public Speaking Success. This program is regularly $297, but for the next three days, it's only $99!

Click here for the special offer...

If you wanted to join me for Speak to Engage LIVE but were unable to make the time commitment, the Speak to Engage home study program is perfect for you. Entirely self-paced, all the teleseminar recordings and materials are online on your private member site, for 24/7 access.

You've got three days to take advantage of this one-time offer. Get yourself an amazing deal on my 7-week audience engagement program and help Get Daisy Healthy!

LB

P.S. To sweeten this deal even more (and it totally doesn't need it), I'm going to throw in 30 minutes of private coaching. We'll chat by phone or Skype about whatever public speaking issues are bugging you. Are you in?

You can't bore me into buying your stuff

In this video by Moneyfingers, Inc. founder Chris Haddad, he gets right to the point of engaging your audience:

"You can't bore me into buying your stuff. I don't care how many times you try to give me some incredible fact, it's not gonna get me to pay attention."

Watch below to hear about what he calls "Punched in the Gut Storytelling," a technique he recommends for copywriting, and I recommend for public speaking!

Forward to 4:17, or just click here, which will take you directly to the 4:17 mark on YouTube (the whole video is really worth watching, though).

How do you get rid of the "ummm" word?

I enjoyed sharing my perspective on "ums" and "uhs" in this article by Gavin McMahon on his blog Make a Powerful Point.

Gavin asked me and three other speaking experts this question:

"How do you get rid of the ummm word?"

You might be surprised by the answers!

Click to go to the article: The "Ummm" Word.

Here are previous blog posts I've written on the topic of fillers:

Barack Obama says "uh"...

Rules for the sake of rules

Fill this...

So... here's my tip of the day

Repeater or deleter: Which one are you?

Take every opportunity to be uncomfortable

On Thursday, I was on a train headed to San Diego for a live training on video and stage charisma by my colleague, speech and media coach Ruth Sherman, when I saw a note from her on Facebook that she might need me to introduce her.

Turns out, her planned introducer couldn't make it at the last minute and she needed a quick sub for the event, which was the next day. The introduction would include not only Ruth's scripted bio, but some personal stories from me about how I know Ruth and my experience in her VideoCharisma program.

Would I do it? Click below to watch the video and find out!



If you can't see the video, please click here to view on YouTube.

Would love to read your responses on the YouTube page!

No one knows your experience except for you

In a recent Huffington Post article, visual and performance artist Lia Chavez described her experience of giving her first lecture.

"It was Dr. Maria Jaschok -- the tall, elegant redhead at the helm of IGS -- who encouraged me to give my first ever lecture at Oxford's International Women's Day Festival. The prospect of giving my first public speech to a group of cultivated intellectuals was unnerving. What did I have to teach these incredible women?

To this, Jaschok gave me the stellar piece of advice:

'No one knows your experience except for you. It is utterly unique and everyone will come for the opportunity to learn something that only you can share.'

Thanks to that initial push, what felt like a baptism by fire at the time has since emboldened me to lecture confidently at numerous institutions internationally. All those initial feelings of disorientation eventually opened up to a wondrous sense of what is possible when one journeys into the unknown regions of herself and listens."

I work with a lot of speakers who agonize over how to stand out from the crowd, from the others who speak on the same or similar topics. Sometimes it seems as if everything has been said before. And what's the point of saying it again?

There are two simple answers to this question:

1. People haven't heard it all.
2. People haven't heard it from you.

Surprisingly, although it does seem that everything has been said, that doesn't necessarily mean everyone has heard everything that's been said! Your message is still going to be new to many people, and those are the people who are going to come hear you speak -- exactly because your message is new to them.

But also...

Even if people have heard the message before or a variation on the message, they haven't heard your version of the message. Your lifetime of knowledge and experience is absolutely unique to you, and only you can tell your own story. Only you can deliver your message in this particular way, with your own style, personality and individual expression.

You have something to say, you have your own way of saying it, and people want to hear it. So get out and speak!

Are you leaving out the most critical piece of your presentation?

I watch a lot of presentations. A lot of them are good and some of them are great. I walk out of many of them feeling excited and motivated to do... something. But what? If the speaker didn't tell me what I'm supposed to do next, he's just missed a great opportunity to get real results from his presentation.

What kind of results?

Here's an example from a recent presentation I reviewed. My client had just finished describing the problem of youth homelessness in Santa Barbara, and had given examples of how his organization has served one particular young woman. We heard some statistics, and we heard "Susie's" story. As a lot of presentations go, this would have been the end.

However, he went on to say this:

"Homelessness is bigger than any one person, problem or place, and oftentimes it can be overwhelming to figure out how to help. So I came up with two ways you can support an outreach program through [organization].

The first way would be to volunteer time, supporting us on outreach, helping us with drop-ins, preparing a meal for a hungry youth. The second way would be to provide financial resources or donations. This helps up provide the top level of care that we've been able to do, which I think makes our services unique."

Bam! Any questions about how you can support this organization? Any questions about what you can do should you be motivated to get involved?

It can be just a few words. It can take 30 seconds (the one above took about 40 and gave two options).

But if you're not making a call to action in your presentations, with specific steps your audience can take, you're leaving a gaping hole where instead you could be gaining clients, customers, volunteers, donors, voters, partners, investors, committee members, fans, believers, letter-writers, advocates, co-conspirators or whatever other kind of supporter you're looking for.

Do you have a call to action? Share it in the comments!