February 10, 2018

I can do anything better than I can



Maybe you've heard the song "Anything You Can Do" from the musical "Annie Get Your Gun." It's a classic duet with the characters Annie Oakley and Frank Butler attempting to prove their ability to outdo each other in a variety of tasks. 

Some people are more competitive than others; I'm not a fan of my competitive side (I take competition a little too seriously, so I choose not to compete with others), but I do enjoy competing with myself!

As a speaker, it can be really easy to fall into the trap of comparing ourselves to and mentally competing with others. While it's often helpful and motivating to find inspiration in the veterans who have achieved the goals we're still striving for, it can also be demotivating to perceive our own levels of success to be disappointing in comparison.

I wrote this in another post, and will share it here as a reminder:

"Where were you a month ago or a year ago in your development? Look how far you’ve come! Look at what you’ve accomplished over time. When you compare yourself to yourself, you’re much more likely to come out ahead. And if not, at least you know intimately where you’re letting yourself down in your own growth and improvement....

When you understand the value and unique perspective you bring to your audiences and clients, there is no longer any need or desire to be like or to copy someone else."

Instead of "Anything you can do, I can do better," how about trying this reframe, from Visa's Olympic-inspired commercial? Athletes compete against others, but also fully embrace the challenges of competing against their own best performances.

(Lyrics below the video.)

   

If you'd like some help with the mindset part of your speaking toolkit, in addition to pumping up your speaking skills and strategies, you can still sign up for my Shake Up Your Speaking retreat, coming up March 19-21. Don't wait too long, though; there are only four spots left!

Lyrics:

Anything I can do, I can do better
I can do anything better than me
Yes I can. Yes I can. Yes I can. Yes I can.

Anything we can be, we can be greater
We can be anything greater than we
Yes we can. Yes we can. Yes we can.

I can do more than I ever imagined
I can do more than I ever dreamed
Yes I can. Yes I can. Yes I can.
Sooner, not later I'm greater than me

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Are you an entrepreneur or professional who's looking for better results from your speaking? Are you hoping to build credibility and visibility for your business or cause? Tired of just "getting by" and ready to deliver truly engaging and powerful presentations? Click here to fill out my consultation questionnaire and we'll schedule a time to talk!

January 5, 2018

I can't believe I did that



When's the last time you said "I can't believe I did that" (and not about something naughty, like toilet-papering your neighbor's house when you were thirteen or shrinking your best friend's sweater in the wash and telling her it was in your lost luggage somewhere over the Atlantic)?

When's the last time you took a risk—a good risk—and felt your heart grow three sizes with anticipation and hope? When's the last time you did something you were scared to do and stockpiled a whole new stash of confidence in your back pocket?

For me: Yesterday. 

I was scrolling through one of the Facebook groups I'm in for authors, and came across an article promoting a storytelling event in my area. They were looking for participants to fill four upcoming events in 2018 with the themes "Love, Romance and Other Disasters," "New Beginnings," "On the Road," and "Holidays and Family."

I'm not a storyteller. Or, to be more accurate, I tell a LOT of stories, but they're not memorized and they come out different every time. I tell stories in my everyday life, I tell stories as a trainer, I tell stories in my book. So I'm not unfamiliar with stories, but I am unfamiliar with the formal art of storytelling. Not to mention the fact that most presentations I give are several hours long, if not days long, and the stories told at this event are 8-10 minutes long. I can barely say my own name in ten minutes.

But when I saw the theme "New Beginnings," I immediately knew I had a story to tell, and without hesitation, I filled out the application form and hit the submit button.

What is wrong with me? I would never do this. While I am indeed an Activator (Gallup StrengthsFinder® #1 strength, in fact), I do not just willy-nilly apply for every speaking engagement that comes my way. I like to ruminate, cogitate, ponder, consider and chew over every submission to make sure it's right for me and for my business. Like most people, I find it scary to get out of my comfort zone, so when a new opportunity comes along that I'm not sure I can pull off, I spend a lot of time procrastinating before I make a decision.

And exactly for that reason—because it's scary to get out of my comfort zone—I regularly take the opportunity to push myself, and I did it yesterday.

There's a note on my office white board that says, "Your next comfort zone awaits." I can't very well expect my clients to take big leaps in confidence if I'm not constantly putting pressure on myself as well. So, yep. My application will be reviewed and, whether not I get accepted to tell a story, I will have a new stockpile of confidence in my back pocket just for having applied.

So, back to my original question: When's the last time you said, "I can't believe I did that" because you took a risk and took a baby step toward getting out of your comfort zone?

And if it's been a while since you challenged your speaking skills and comfort level, could you use some help getting there? Perhaps you don't even have a speaking comfort zone yet! But if you do, you know you need to dare yourself and fracture the walls of that safe space in order to grow and upgrade your skills.

I've got the perfect environment to offer you, both encouraging and challenging, where you can explore your next level of skills and confidence, in a small group format, over a leisurely couple of days this spring. In a mansion. With llamas and chickens.

Check out my Shake Up Your Speaking retreat, March 19-21, in Ojai, California. It's exactly where you need to be if you're ready to stop procrastinating on your speaking goals and take a transformational leap forward.

I'll keep you posted on whether I get selected to speak at the storytelling event. It's a challenge I hope I get to tackle!

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Are you an entrepreneur or professional who's looking for better results from your speaking? Are you hoping to build credibility and visibility for your business or cause? Tired of just "getting by" and ready to deliver truly engaging and powerful presentations? Click here to fill out my consultation questionnaire and we'll schedule a time to talk!

December 27, 2017

Thomas Fire recovery sale




Happy holidays, friends!

I hope you've been enjoying the season. I was out of it for a couple of weeks dealing with the Thomas Fire, but I finally got myself back into work and life mode in the past week, and I've been wanting to do more for the recovery efforts in my community.

I donated to the Humane Society, which managed the bulk of animal rescue and care during the fire. Over 400 people came from all over the state to help care for the animals, even bringing their own supplies!

I've got bags of food and toys (and cat toys!) ready to go to HELP of Ojai, the organization that's managing much of the human recovery in the Ojai Valley.

And instead of driving to Ventura or Santa Barbara our nearby "big cities," or ordering gifts on Amazon, I kept my Christmas shopping local, to help our local businesses recover from lengthy closures and cutbacks.

But I want to be able to give more, so I decided to hold a quick flash sale to offer two popular items that aren't always available to my online peeps.

1) My "Take Your PowerPoint From Mess to Success" training is typically "Your Webinar Success: Speak to Engage Virtually!"
provided only to my corporate training clients, and I offer it online maybe once a year. You'll find it here, along with worksheets, downloads, and a replay of my recent virtual training

Your investment for this webinar/PowerPoint training package is only $97—and 20% of each sale will be donated to Ojai Thomas Fire relief programs through HELP of Ojai.

View the webinar offer here.

2) And my Speaker Survival Kits are not available online at all! I only bring
them to my live speaking engagements and book signings. I know a lot of people have been disappointed not to be able to make it to my events because they wanted one of my sassy beach bags full of essential items that speakers often overlook!

I sell the kits at speaking events for $67, but my special offer to you takes 30% off, for a grand total of $47—and again, 20% of each sale will be donated to Ojai Thomas Fire relief programs through HELP of Ojai. There is a limited supply of bags available, so you'll want to snag one of those first.

View the Speaker Survival Kits here.

Kick off your 2018 with a business boost and grab one of these two goodies before the offer expires at midnight PST on December 28. That's right, this offer is good for just 48 hours! Get it while you can, and while you're at it, help support Thomas Fire recovery in the Ojai Valley!



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Are you an entrepreneur or professional who's looking for better results from your speaking? Are you hoping to build credibility and visibility for your business or cause? Tired of just "getting by" and ready to deliver truly engaging and powerful presentations? Click here to fill out my consultation questionnaire and we'll schedule a time to talk!

November 6, 2017

You don't need a stage to need stage presence



I was recently contacted by a woman who manages a small team of young, inexperienced salespeople. She was primarily concerned with their lack of self-awareness; their behaviors in front of clients and prospects were less-than-stellar.

One person bites their nails in meetings. Another person avoids eye contact. Another is a pen-clicker. And yet another makes elaborate faces when trying to conceal a yawn.

Most of us have habits we're not aware of. That's what makes them habits; the fact that we repeat them and yet are not aware of them!

And taken individually, on occasion, in casual circumstances, these kinds of habits are normal and human. But when you put a group of people together, all of whom are displaying distracting behavior in a professional setting, it can become quite noticeable and can take attention away from where it belongs: on the business at hand.

We tend to talk about stage presence as the way we command a room when we're on a stage or in front of an audience. Stage presence combines charisma, confidence and the ability to captivate your audience. But it's not just for the stage. Or perhaps I should say, "You're always on stage."

Note that the word "presence" is part of "stage presence." Presence means that you are actively and emotionally engaged with the person or people you're talking or meeting with. Presence means you're not in your head, thinking about what's for dinner, or off in la-la land.

You're making eye contact. Your body language shows engagement and connection through nodding, smiling, leaning forward or whatever is your personal style of demonstrating connection.

Stage presence is required ANY time you're part of a meeting or discussion, even when you're not the facilitator. 

Imagine you're one of this small team mentioned above, and you're in a meeting with a prospective client. Your boss is negotiating a contract and the discussion is getting into the details of the scope of the project and the deliverables. But you're mentally in another place, unaware of what's happening in the room - or even with your own body. You're clicking your pen, fidgeting in your chair, and wondering what time the game starts after work.

Your boss turns to you, expecting you to fill in some details that are the purview of your department and expertise. But your brain is only half-focused and you're caught off guard. Of course, you answer the question, but you fumble for the right words and you've missed some of the key issues in the discussion, so you have to ask for clarification. Your boss is frustrated as she repeats what's already been covered.

Now imagine how this conversation would have gone if you were present. You would be absorbed in the conversation, your mind already putting together the pieces that you're responsible for. When it's time for you to contribute to the conversation, you're ready. You're on fire, in fact, because you know exactly what's needed from you, and you deliver. Your boss seamlessly picks up where she left off and the negotiation continues. There's a big "thank you" waiting at the end of the meeting, for your timely and thoughtful contribution.

This is the "presence" part of "stage presence," but the "stage" piece applies here as well. When you're in a meeting, you are absolutely on stage. The prospect or client is paying attention. Are you respectful? Are you pleasant? Are you helpful? Are you part of the collaboration? Are you bringing a positive energy to the room? Are you sitting upright, leaning in, part of the team?

Or are you disengaged, restless, bored, shifty, slouchy, looking at your hands or gazing out the window?

Surprise! You're not invisible! Your behavior and demeanor is noticed and noted. It may not make or break the sale, but you sure don't impress anyone as a team player. And you certainly don't inspire your boss to give you more responsibility or promote you.

Stage presence is required whether or not you're on stage, whether you're speaking to one person, five people or 50 people, whether you're running the meeting or in the background. We see you. We observe you. We remember you.

You can be remembered for being that fidgety guy with the pen or you can be remembered for being the guy with the great ideas. It's up to you!

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Are you an entrepreneur or professional who's looking for better results from your speaking? Are you hoping to build credibility and visibility for your business or cause? Tired of just "getting by" and ready to deliver truly engaging and powerful presentations? Click here to fill out my consultation questionnaire and we'll schedule a time to talk!

September 24, 2017

Communication requires presence: Why I won't have a meeting with you while driving



For those of you who are of the opinion that talking on the phone while driving (sometimes with yelling or fighting kids in the back seat) makes more effective or productive use of your time, I doubt you'll change your habits after this one post.

But let me share why you'll rarely have a conversation with me while I'm driving—especially a business meeting.

Have you ever been in a meeting listening to someone giving a report, or at home listening to your partner share about their day, and suddenly five minutes have passed and you have no idea what the other person has said? Your mind wandered... to what's for dinner, to the dry cleaning you need to pick up before the shop closes, to that ice cream in the freezer that's calling your name.

Now recall past driving trips. Have you ever been going somewhere, and maybe because it's a regular route that you drive often or every day, you suddenly arrive at your destination completely unaware of what happened along the way? Have you ever realized, a moment after the fact, that you've run a stop sign or didn't see a car next to you as you changed lanes?

Clearly, we are not always mentally present. It's easy to get drawn into what's going on in our heads and miss what's going on around us, even when sitting and facing another person in conversation (or an audience if you're a speaker).

When we're not present, we aren't focused. We may listen, but we don't hear. We see, but don't pay attention. We're distracted. Life passes us by.

According to the The National Transportation Safety Board, "Nearly 10 percent of traffic deaths involve distracted drivers. That’s about 4,000 deaths that are completely preventable, that never have to happen."

And according to the DMV, the reason texting and driving is so dangerous is that it incorporates all aspects of distracted driving:
"Visual: Takes your eyes off the road.
Manual: Takes your hands off the steering wheel.
Cognitive: Takes your focus away from safe driving."
This is not an article about safe driving. But what the research points out is that talking on the phone (and eating, putting on makeup, dealing with kids in the back seat) is enough of a distraction to cause many car accidents each year. If talking on the phone is a distraction from safe driving, is it safe to say that driving is also a distraction from communication? We think we can do both, but studies show that we can't. We all think we're good at multitasking, but research shows that this is a myth. According to Psychology Today:
"Much recent neuroscience research tells us that the brain doesn’t really do tasks simultaneously, as we thought (hoped) it might. In fact, we just switch tasks quickly. Each time we move from hearing music to writing a text or talking to someone, there is a stop/start process that goes on in the brain.
That start/stop/start process is rough on us: rather than saving time, it costs time (even very small micro seconds), it’s less efficient, we make more mistakes, and over time it can be energy sapping."
(By the way, you may wonder if talking to passengers in your car is as risky as talking on the phone. This infographic explains why it's not.)

Back to the value of presence to communication:

One of the most basic things I work on with my clients is being present with their audiences. If a speaker is not present with their audience, meaning focused, in the moment, paying attention to what's happening in the room, noticing the energy, etc., it means they are not connecting. If a speaker is not connecting emotionally with their audience, then they are creating a distance or a barrier, which leads to less engagement and a sense that the speaker is not accessible or approachable.
“When the mind is not present, we look and do not see; we hear and do not understand; we eat and do not know the taste of what we eat.” ~ Confucius, The Great Learning
The reason I don't have business meetings while driving is that I know I can't focus on either one properly. If I focus on driving, I can't focus on the conversation. If I focus on the conversation, I'm not focused on driving. How will I remember what we spoke about if I can barely focus on the conversation in the first place?

To me, any conversation while driving is a waste of time and energy, because I am not present with the other person. It's hard enough for me to be present during a conversation with my husband while I'm sitting two feet away from him on the couch. How present can I be with a person whose face I can't see, while I'm on the phone, while I'm driving, and while I'm trying not to run over a pedestrian or run a red light? Not to mention the three times the signal drops while going over a mountain or through a tunnel, requiring us to re-start the call several times.

You may think you're present. You may think you're good at multitasking. Or maybe you just don't think you have any other time in the day to make this call. I'm very aware of my cognitive limitations while trying to multitask, so I won't have a meeting with you while I'm driving, and I prefer not to attempt to have a meeting with you while you're driving.

I'm not as good at being present as I would like to be, but having a conversation in the car is just flat-out saying, "I don't really care about being present for you," and I'd like to at least try harder than that.

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Are you an entrepreneur or professional who's looking for better results from your speaking? Are you hoping to build credibility and visibility for your business or cause? Tired of just "getting by" and ready to deliver truly engaging and powerful presentations? Click here to fill out my consultation questionnaire and we'll schedule a time to talk!

September 2, 2017

10 reasons to join the Presenting for Humans Success Circle



Are you thinking about joining the Presenting for Humans Success Circle, but not sure if it's right for you?

Perhaps I can help you decide with these ten reasons I think the program is worth joining!

1. Author-led discussion: Most book clubs and study groups are not led by the author, the person who knows more than anyone else about the process for the book, the premise of the book, the core message, and the whys, whats and hows of the book. PFH Success Circle has me, the author, leading discussion, answering questions, and coaching you along the way!

2. Practical outcomes: This is a program to help you put the concepts in the book into practice. Sure, you could read the book on your own, but we all know how much better we are at implementing (and avoiding procrastination) when we have accountability partners! Your goals will included finishing the week's reading assignment before our live call, and coming ready to review what you read and to compare notes with your fellow participants.

3. Making connections with your fellow program members: A shared love of reading is already a great connection point among you, but your shared interest in speaking adds another level of depth to your connections. It's a great online networking opportunity (when you join the Facebook group, especially) for meeting like-minded individuals—no matter where you live in the world.

4. The difference between reading a book alone and reading as a group is huge: Reading a book and discussing it as a group opens your mind to ideas you might not have considered, conclusions you might not have come to, and perspectives you might not have gained. Reading and discussing as a group supercharges your learning and absorption of concepts and takes you in entirely new directions.

5. Practice and grow your communication skills: Reading a book about public speaking is one thing, but actually formulating ideas and sharing them with the group, defending your opinions, speaking up for your beliefs, and persuading others to see your perspective—tactfully and respectfully—are all valuable opportunities to enhance your own communication skills as well as to help you retain information better and reinforce your learning.

6. It's virtual: I get that the wine, snacks and personal interaction are big draws for in-person book clubs. But not everyone has the time (or calorie allowance) for that. You can stay at your desk at work or (if you're like me) on the couch in your pajamas. There's no judgement! Join the meeting from wherever you are, and even if you can't join live, it will be recorded so you won't miss a thing. You can leave your comments in the Facebook group at any time—whether you're a night owl or an early bird, whether you're in Australia or Africa. (Feel free to bring your own wine...)

7. And because it's virtual, you choose your own method of interaction: You can exclusively stick to the Facebook group if you prefer to write out your thoughts. You can come to the live calls, participate with the other members and get your questions answered on the spot by moi. You can shoot video sharing your comments and upload to Facebook. Or you can do any combination of these, or whatever else you think of! (Want to make a pic collage or Pinterest board with public speaking memes? Go ahead!)

8. You will learn to be a better speaker: Let's not forget that there's just one book and one topic here. If you want to learn to be a better speaker, you've come to the right place. We will be 100% laser-focused on speaking. Your questions about speaking will be answered, your knowledge will grow, your opportunities to improve will expand. Period.

9. It's affordable: If private coaching isn’t an option for you right now, the PFH Success Circle is the next best thing with laser coaching and a private Facebook group—where I'm very active—and the only way to work with me for under $800.

10. It's a short time commitment: The program starts in September and ends in October. There are five weekly calls (but if you can't make it live, they'll be recorded). The reading is light: two chapters a week. We'll accomplish a lot in this short time frame, but it's not going to take months of your life to complete or hours a week of homework.

Each week, participants will read assigned chapters, do personal exploration and reflection, and return to the group for follow-up, discussion, and laser coaching on the concepts learned. The interactive author-led virtual sessions will span five weeks in September and October.

PFH Success Circle includes:

  • A signed hard copy of the book (if you register by 4:00 p.m. PDT on Saturday, 9/2!)
  • Five live coaching calls focused on action-taking and implementation of the main principles in the book
  • Worksheets and handouts to help you integrate the ideas we’re discussing
  • Recordings of all the calls
  • A private Facebook group for discussion, support, encouragement and resources

Just think: You can start and finish a book during this five week program! You can gain some new perspective on public speaking. You can have fun and meet new friends.

The program starts Thursday, September 7. Register here.

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Are you an entrepreneur or professional who's looking for better results from your speaking? Are you hoping to build credibility and visibility for your business or cause? Tired of just "getting by" and ready to deliver truly engaging and powerful presentations? Click here to fill out my consultation questionnaire and we'll schedule a time to talk!

July 28, 2017

Why you need to take every speaking opportunity



I forgot my stuff.

I had a workshop Friday morning, and I thought I was ready, but I wasn't.

I had finished my slides, I had finished my notes, I had printed my handouts.

I always have my tools in my bag, like my presentation remote, my VGA-to-USB adapter cable, markers and other items I take to my presentations. Except I didn't.

I drove 45 minutes from Ojai to Santa Barbara, feeling relaxed and confident. The topic wasn't new; it's a module that I usually teach as part of my Shake Up Your Speaking retreat. But for the first time, I was offering it as a stand-alone training.

I got to the venue and immediately started setting up. In the process of connecting my computer to the projector, I realized I had left my cable in my other presentation bag. And then I discovered that my remote was missing. I could envision in my mind exactly where it was: sitting on my desk, with a fresh battery installed. I borrowed a remote from my host, then miraculously spotted an HDMI adapter in the projector cart, and continued hooking up my presentation (at least I arrived early enough to troubleshoot).

It was time to begin, after an opening exercise and some announcements. I was introduced to the group and started my presentation. As I started speaking, I came to the slow realization that my notes looked nothing like the slides I was clicking through. I flashed back to my preparation and remembered that I had initially created a completely different presentation days earlier, then had changed my mind and replaced it with the current presentation. Unfortunately, with several files in the same folder, I had printed out the notes for the original presentation, not the one I was currently delivering.

Always a fan of transparency in my presentations, I openly shared with the group that I had brought the wrong notes, and quickly moved them to a side table. Had a brief laugh about my forgetfulness, and continued on.

At this point, having forgotten so many of my tools, and having brought the completely wrong notes, you might think that I would be in a panic and completely discombobulated.

But here's the thing: I've been presenting for 25 years. I remember walking into a classroom in the mid-90s, having completely forgotten my notes, and recreating them from scratch on a blank piece of paper provided by the teacher, just so I'd have something to call on if necessary. That was then; this is now.

I was able to flexibly adapt to my circumstances because I have done literally hundreds of presentations over 25 years.

Did I panic when I realized that I had left my tools in the other bag? Sure! And when I had the realization that my notes were totally wrong and that there was no way to make them work? Oh yes.

But because I have experience, and because I've been through many awkward and uncomfortable situations over the years, I was able to resume my presentation smoothly and make it work. And on top of that, I was able to use my own mishap as a teaching moment for the participants - one of my favorite ways of teaching!

Are you avoiding presenting because you fear a situation like this? Just think how fantastic it'll be, three or 10 or 20 years from now when, because you chose to take these speaking engagements, you are now prepared for ANYTHING.

It's your time now to get speaking engagements on your calendar. It's your time now, to say YES to speaking opportunities. Getting as much experience as possible is long-term protection against the insecurities and discomfort of making mistakes. You learn to deal with the unexpected and the unknown. You become comfortable with uncertainty.

And let me be very clear: Without this kind of experience, you will NOT become comfortable with uncertainty. You will never get used to being caught off guard and you'll never get used to getting out of your comfort zone.

So please. Take every speaking engagement that comes your way. Make engagements happen if they're not just falling into your lap. Find ways to get out there, to get in front of audiences, and to get practice.

Because days like last Friday will happen to you. And you can panic, freak out, and throw off your whole rhythm - taking the audience down with you. Or you can roll with the punches, make a couple of jokes, and keep going, making it all about the audience's experience and learning, and not about your embarrassing blunder.

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Are you an entrepreneur or professional who's looking for better results from your speaking? Are you hoping to build credibility and visibility for your business or cause? Tired of just "getting by" and ready to deliver truly engaging and powerful presentations? Click here to fill out my consultation questionnaire and we'll schedule a time to talk!

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