Even Eddie Murphy needs the nerves

I loved this conversation between Eddie Murphy and Jerry Seinfeld on "Comedians in Cars Getting Coffee."

Those of us who have the most experience speaking and entertaining on stage know this to be true: If you're not a little bit nervous, you just don't do as well.

It doesn't mean you have to be shaking in your boots to give a good performance (because that's not good for anyone), and it doesn't mean that you can't experience incredible energy and a sense of flow and connection during the performance.

What it means is that, in order to do a good job, we have to care. We have to be committed to success, both in delivering our best and delivering what the audience needs, wants, and cares about.

Top speakers, athletes, and entertainers will always be nervous before an event because they're committed to doing their best and they don't rest on their laurels of previous successes.

So when a client comes to me and they say they don't want to be nervous when speaking, I have to tell them the truth: Eradicating all nervousness serves no purpose. 

What I CAN help with is managing nervousness, channeling the adrenaline, and working on your mindset around the adrenaline rush so you use it to serve your needs and your audience's needs.

Check out the conversation below!

Eddie Murphy: The times I've gotten on stage and felt totally loose with no energy of being uncomfortable at all, I would do shitty. I wouldn't have as strong a set.

Jerry Seinfeld: You wouldn't have. 

Eddie: No. 

Jerry: Right. 

Eddie: You gotta have a little bit of "What if this shit doesn't... what if they don't get all of this shit?" I always do best when I have a little bit of that.

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What speakers can learn from comedians about language and rhythm

Comedians are some of the best teachers of language and rhythm. I've written more than 20 posts about comedians and what speakers can learn from them, and I'm constantly inspired by how creative they are with their words and delivery.

I recently came across this fantastic video that breaks down a Louis CK joke into its components and describes exactly how it's set up and what makes it funny. I agree with The Nerdwriter that Louis CK has a unique genius to his jokes, especially in how effortless and conversational they seem, while still incredibly structured.

The narrator mentions "riding a wave of feeling" at one point, and this is exactly what I teach my clients about taking their audiences on an emotional journey. Comedians' primary emotional tool is humor, but they get to humor through activating a host of other emotions: Anticipation, fear, frustration, confusion or empathy are contrasted with exaggeration, incongruous scenarios and surprise twists, leading to a humorous outcome.

Enjoy this short video, and I also suggest making time to watch the HBO special referenced within the video, "Talking Funny." More great discussion from the pros on how successful comedy works. I wrote about it here.

 Click here if unable to view on the blog.

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How can I help?

I had a different post planned for today, but then Robin Williams died, and I felt that I had something more important to share. So please forgive my diversion, and I hope you'll understand.

Everyone says "Ask for help."

I shared my feelings about that yesterday. Here's what I posted on Facebook:

"It's not just about asking for help. Lots of people get help. Maybe their therapist isn't a good fit. Maybe they get tired of trying to find a good therapist. Maybe they go on meds but hate them and stop taking them. Maybe they even try different meds, but don't like the way they feel on the meds. Maybe they start feeling good on the meds and think they don't need them anymore. Maybe everyone around them does the best they can to help, but it's not enough. There's no simple answer."

I wrote a lot of that about myself, but I realized that even THAT isn't "helping." We all need more awareness about mental illness, and many of us live in denial that people around us are suffering. Even if we're not in denial, we don't know what to DO. What constitutes "help?" And how many of us keep this aspect of our lives under cover because we fear people's negative perceptions of us?

So today, I came up with something I can do to help, in my own small way, someone who might be suffering in silence.

I don't know what it's like to experience depression or suicidal ideation, so I am not going to try to talk about that.


But I do know what it feels like to experience extreme panic attacks and anxiety, to go through therapy, to go on meds, hate the meds, go off the meds because I'm feeling good, go on different meds because I'm out of control and totally losing it. No matter what the issue is, many of us go through the same routine trying to find a solution.

I know what it's like to try herbal remedies, supplements, exercise, dumping alcohol, caffeine and sugar - and having none of it work - and then feeling like I'm "not doing it right" because people clearly eradicate anxiety with these methods. Apparently.

I know what it feels like to be completely not in control of my mind and body and be almost completely nonfunctional because of it.

And I know what it's like not to tell anyone because I'm so worried about how people will see me after they "know" about me.

I wrote an e-book on my experience with panic attacks and I usually sell it on my site, but I'm going to make it free from now on. The last update was in 2012 and things have changed even since then, so it's not entirely my whole story. This is how it goes with mental health issues.

But it's one way I can help, by offering it here to those of you who have your own struggles with panic and anxiety, and maybe reading about my experience and my tools and lifestyle changes will help someone.

And please contact me if you ever want to talk.

Download Panic Sucks here.

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Friday Fun: Graham Norton red chair survivor!

Wanna know if your story is any good? Sit down in Graham Norton's red chair, and if you walk away without being tossed out on your head, you've told a good story!

In this episode, Russell Crowe was handling the chair lever, and before Ivan, had dumped everyone -- including one would-be storyteller because he was from New Zealand.

Watch how Ivan gets right to the point of his story, includes a beginning, middle and end, and walks away -- in 25 seconds!



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Friday Fun: Comedians

I am constantly fascinated by how much speakers can learn from comedians. They are masters of surprise, timing, storytelling, audience engagement, discipline, preparation, handling pressure, handling failure, taking risks, and many other techniques that speakers need to understand.

Enjoy these 25 posts that reference sitcoms, comedians, and documentaries about comedians and comedy! Some of my favorites are Jerry Seinfeld, Kathy Griffin, Eddie Izzard, Graham Norton and Ricky Gervais. (Most recent posts are at the top.)

Here are a couple to get you started:

What I've learned from Kathy Griffin

Lessons from Seinfeld

What do do when you're bombing

"Every comedian has a f'n excuse. 'It's the candles, it's the smoke. Put these candles out -- I gotta go on.' I make no excuse. I just wasn't good."~ Jerry Seinfeld

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More TV speechwriting tips

Here's one way to write a speech (or in this case, "speach").

On this week's episode of "Up All Night," talk show mogul Ava asks assistant Missy to write her speech for an upcoming event. First, she suggests words to avoid: "moist, ointment, nubbin, vigorous, vigorish(?) and 'at the end of the day.'"

After briefly running through some ideas, she says to Missy, "So basically, the speech should go: laughter, tears, poignancy, tears, laughter, light laughter, slight tears, laughter into tears, and out. How's that sound?"

Reminds me of another brilliant TV speechwriter: Jean-Ralphio.

Ava and Missy clip from "Up All Night" - runs from 11:43-12:35:



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What's your favorite gag?

I love a good laugh, and I love a good gag. And what I mean by a "good gag," is that it's a humorous routine that's repeated, but it's repeated in a way that it doesn't get stale or overused.

In 2009, the women nominated for Best Supporting Actress in a Comedy had a gag. As their names were called, the camera showed each woman wearing some sort of silly glasses. I still remember how hard I laughed as the camera lingered on Kristin Wiig while she raised a monacle to one eye, then slowly added a pipe with her other hand.

This year, nominees for Best Actress in a Comedy had their own gag. As Amy Poehler's name was read as a nominee, she startled everyone by jumping out of her seat and running up on stage. At first, it looked like the gag was that she thought she won. But it got funnier.

She stood to the side of the announcers, shaking out her hands and deep breathing, and they -- with puzzled looks on their faces -- continued reading the nominees' names. One by one, the nominees approached the stage and joined the rest of the women, holding hands like the top ten contestants in a beauty pageant.

When Melissa McCarthy's name was announced as the winner, all the other nominees gathered around, embracing her with genuine support and excitement. When she emerged from the huddle, she was carrying roses and sporting a tiara! The whole bit was planned by Amy Poehler, and although the nominees didn't know exactly what was going to happen, they all joined in wholeheartedly.

Melissa McCarthy said in her speech, "It's my first and best pageant ever!"


(Laura Linney wiping lipstick from her teeth: priceless.)

Another gag that is regularly repeated at the Emmys is the creative way the comedy writing teams are portrayed.

There are typically more than a dozen names read for each show's nominees for Outstanding Writing for a Variety, Music, or Comedy Series, so these bits are prepared and taped beforehand. This year, as Saturday Night Live's names were read, various images of Justin Timberlake were flashed on the screen (appropriate, as he is a recurring guest host). Late Night With Jimmy Fallon's team was represented by cute puppies in human clothes. The Colbert Report had all the writers in a room, and they all shouted out their names at the same time. The Daily Show With Jon Stewart had each writer, in a goofy costume, on a Newsweek magazine cover.

I've come to enjoy and look forward to these surprises. Of course, they're not really surprises any more, except for the creativity of new writers and performers putting their own spin on the gags each year. I anticipated these comedy gags, knowing that someone will do something... but what?

What are some of your favorite repeated gags?

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Death of a hamster: a well-told story

Graham Norton typically ends his talk show with a a storyteller in his red chair. If Graham (or a guest) deems the story to be unsatisfactory or told poorly, he pulls a lever and the storyteller is tipped out of the chair backwards. I'm always rooting for the storyteller to have a good enough story to be allowed to walk away.

Check out Jake's story about the loss of a pet hamster. In under a minute he is able to tell a story that has all the elements needed to keep the audience's interest. It's crisply told, in a simple, well-organized chronology; it's emotionally engaging; it's funny; it's memorable; and it has a twist at the end. And Jake gets up and walks away!



If you can't see the video here, view it on YouTube.

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Have you ever been outrageous?

One of my favorite guests on Ellen is beauty expert Kym Douglas. She's an attractive woman, always well-dressed, well-coiffed and well-prepared, and her demonstrations are completely nutty. Her specialty is showing how to make beauty products from household items -- if there's enough humor in them.

Kym immediately gets the audience laughing by smearing something on her face -- say, avocado or glue -- or pouring something on her hair like ketchup or beer. She always offers to demonstrate on Ellen first, and Ellen always declines. Then she moves on to beauty tricks like pulling her face back with elastic in a "secret face lift" or climbing into a tubful of skin-softening red wine.

I take great pleasure in watching Kym destroy her perfect makeup, hair and clothing. We were always taught, as little girls (and maybe little boys, too), that there were "good clothes" and "play clothes." Watching Kym smash this taboo and have fun with margaritas, coffee grounds and mayonnaise just delights the heck out of me, and Ellen's audience too. What she's doing works, because she keeps getting asked back!

Have you ever tried something a little outrageous in your presentations? Share in the comments!

See one of Kym Douglas' Ellen appearances below, and find more on Hulu.



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Your presentation: The "So what?" factor

You've got a great hook for your presentation. You've got a truly startling statistic. You've got a powerful theme.

Or so you think.

We tend to think our ideas are spectacular and that everyone wants to hear them. Which is one reason why it's so hard for a speaker to stick to her time. It's inconceivable that there might be parts of the speech that could be cut, so instead, she tries to pack in as much as possible.

But that's not my point today. My point today is "So what?"

This is one of many questions your audience is asking before, during and after your presentation (including, "How much longer?" and "Are there cookies?"). But it's an important one, because if the answer to "So what?" is not convincing enough, your audience will feel disappointed and let down.

I'm working with a client on a speech with the theme "Simply Amazing." She wants to touch on all the aspects of her organization and its members that are "amazing."

However, using a word like "amazing" can backfire on you. Now that you've committed to talking about what's amazing in this organization, you can't tell just any old stories or use just any old examples. You don't want your audience to find your definition of "amazing" to be lacking. You don't want your audience arguing with you in their minds, saying "That's not amazing at all. It's kinda neat, but not really AMAZING."

Jerry Seinfeld touched on this during the TV special "Talking Funny" that I referenced the other day. He remembered being introduced once by Louis C.K., who was opening the show.

Louis introduced Jerry as "the best comedian in the world," and Jerry says, "I just went right down the toilet. The audience goes, 'Oh, really.' [crossing his arms defiantly]. Don't put that kind of pressure on someone."

Now in this case, you might be putting that pressure on yourself!

Is that statistic really going to shock your audience the way you hope it will? Is your hook (think "Yes, we can!") as compelling as you hope it will be? Is your theme ("Simply Amazing") going to generate the kinds of stories and examples that will truly awe your audience?

I am, by no means, saying that you should play it safe and avoid big themes and catchy phrases. Please be as radical as you need to be to make your point.

But keep in mind the "So what?" factor. The audience will be asking themselves this question, so you need to ask it of yourself first.

My client's first theme was "Believe," but "Simply Amazing" became more compelling to her the more she thought about the points she wanted to make and the way she wanted to affect the audience. If she found that "Simply Amazing" was going to be too difficult to pull off, she could always go back to "Believe" as her theme. It could be equally as powerful, but doesn't come with the inherent pressure that the word "amazing" does.

If you don't think you have the supporting material, it's okay to let go of a big idea -- for now.

If you take a critical look at your ideas and feel sure that you will blow your audience's mind, then go big! Commit! Bring out the big stats, the big themes and the big ideas!

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One special moment

On the TV special "Talking Funny" the other night, host Ricky Gervais facilitated a conversation between fellow comedians Jerry Seinfeld, Louis C.K. and Chris Rock.

During the conversation, Ricky Gervais mentioned the the responsibility of performing -- people pay money to come to the show, find a babysitter, drive around to find parking... it's a major commitment for the audience.

In response, Gervais says, "I better have something special to say. I don't think it's just enough to do 60 minutes of them laughing, because they can't take that with them. Whereas if you say something that's interesting or resonates, or that's different, they can take it with them. All the best bits you remember [referring to jokes the other comedians still remembered hearing decades ago], it stayed with you for twenty years. And it's the gift that keeps on giving."

For Ricky Gervais, it's not enough to entertain the audience, a point he brings up several times during the conversation. He even mentions cutting a bit from his show if it's too easy, or gets a "cheap laugh." He wants the audience to know he's worked hard on a bit, and that it wasn't just a throwaway joke. He wants to feel proud of his work. (Louis C.K. made a similar statement about cutting a joke that's funny if he doesn't believe in it.)

Most performers might be ecstatic to get an easy laugh or to draw a standing ovation for very little work. For Gervais, there has to be a deeper connection with the audience; he wants to send them home with something so memorable and unique, they'll still be thinking about it twenty years later.

How many of us put this kind of thought and care into our presentations?

How many of us think (or care) about what our audience is giving up (money, time, deadlines) to hear us speak?

How many of us actually make the effort to give our audience a "gift that keeps on giving?"

How many of us just want our preparation to be as easy as possible, for the presentation to glide by with no effort, and to reap rewards for little work?

Can you imagine how rewarding it would be to know that you've given the audience something so valuable and profound that years later they're still responding to your message? (I've had this experience a few times, and I don't have to imagine it -- it's pretty fabulous.)

Maybe this isn't realistic on an everyday basis, when the boss pops his head in the door of your office and says, "Hey Sam, can you give a report at the staff meeting in 15 minutes?"

But what if we were to keep this idea in the front of our minds, striving as often as possible to add one special moment to each presentation?

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Public speaking role models -- all under 20

I've been meaning to show you these three young speakers for some time, and finally realized I should put them all into one post!

I've written about two of them before on this blog, Graeme here and Alec here.

All three share some things in common.

1. They were all under the age of 20 at the time of these videos.

2. Their impassioned speeches come from the heart and have real emotion behind them.

3. They express deep conviction for their beliefs, while understanding and accepting the controversy behind these beliefs.

4. They each demonstrate calmness, poise and confidence.

While interviewing Zach Wahls, Ellen Degeneres said, "You didn't come off as nervous at all."

Zach's response was, "I was shaking. I'm shaking now."

Nervous or not, each young man found a way to express himself sincerely, concisely and passionately. Two of the speeches are under 3 minutes; the third is just over 12 minutes. If only every speaker was able to convey so much meaning, so articulately, and in such a short amount of time!

Watch these three speeches and tell me what you get from them. My only question: Where are the girls?

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Zach Wahls - 19

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Alec Loorz - 15

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Graeme Taylor - 14

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"We use comedy as a sword and a shield..."

Photo: Paul Schiraldi/HBO

Here are some of my favorite entertainment quotes of the moment:

"We use comedy as a sword and a shield, and a medicine, but usually as a 'getting to know you.' We use comedy to break the ice. Are you like-minded? What can you take? What do you like?" ~ Ricky Gervais, in his standup show "Out of England 2"

"I am nothing if not falsely humble." ~ Jane Lynch, upon receiving the Golden Globe for her performance in "Glee"

"I used to introduce myself. Now I think it's rude. It's not about me." ~ Character Captain Tony Stone in "The Messenger"

One that's just plain silly:

"I never thought I'd be in a graveyard, in a spa robe, talking to a beautiful transvestite in the moonlight." ~ Character Jonathan Ames in "Bored to Death"

And a short clip from Ricky Gervais' latest show. Don't worry, it's clean. Happy Friday!



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The mistake that everyone notices...

Interviewing Jeff Bridges on her show the other day, Ellen Degeneres asked if he felt a lot of pressure as the movie awards season heats up, with the expectation he'll receive several nominations for his role in True Grit. He said,

"I don't know ... the pressure of winning and losing doesn't pressurize me. The possibility of having to maybe get up and give a speech -- that's a little daunting."

He then goes on to tell Ellen about his acceptance speech at the BFCA Awards last year, where he repeatedly called his director, Scott Cooper, "Chris" Cooper.

Here's the story he told the Hollywood Reporter this month.

"There were a bunch of awards, and I was kind of numb. The weirdest one was the first, and I got up there and wanted to make sure I acknowledged Scott Cooper. But what did I do? I said, 'I’d like to acknowledge my great director: Chris Cooper!' And out of the audience I hear my wife yelling, 'Scott!' My God, it was my worst fear!"

But as he says in this Men's Journal interview, "That is such a thing you don't want to do. But then you realize that the worst possible thing has happened, the thing you feared the most, and you know what? It doesn't matter."

Most of our mistakes on stage are noticeable only to us. But sometimes we say or do something that can't be ignored. Do we freak out, hang our heads and die of shame? Of course not! We laugh it off, apologize if necessary, and move on.

May we all recover so philosophically from an embarrassing mistake on stage.

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Be extraordinary -- be yourself

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We all have our individual quirks as speakers. We all have unconscious movements, vocal habits, facial expressions and physical gestures that are part of who we are and that sneak out sometimes when we present. Where did they come from? Who knows?

Watching yourself on video is the best way to detect these little habits and, if you find them distracting, you can work to eliminate them. But sometimes it's okay to just let go. Is the habit distracting to you or anyone else? If not, then maybe you can just let it be.

Ellen Degeneres was surprised last week to discover that she has a subtle physical mannerism that she had never noticed until a viewer wrote in to point it out.

Not only does Ellen poke fun at her own quirk in the short video below, but she also gives some advice about being yourself -- there's a nice quote at the end (whoever might have said it).


If you have trouble viewing the embedded video, you can see it here.

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Can you laugh at yourself?

"Humor is a powerful weapon," says Jeff Nussbaum, a speechwriter who has worked for Al Gore and Joe Biden. "But to earn the right to wield it against others, you need to turn it against yourself first."

Why do we love a speaker who uses self-deprecating humor?

It humanizes him.

It makes him less threatening or intimidating.

It defuses tension.

It shows he doesn't take himself too seriously.

It makes us laugh... and we love to laugh.

Self-deprecating humor allows us to be smart, funny and confident, while also demonstrating modesty and humility about those qualities. After all, a person who uses self-deprecating humor has to be confident, or she wouldn't risk making fun of herself!

What is self-deprecating (or self-effacing) humor? It's simply making fun of yourself to get a laugh. It's different than flat-out putting yourself down in that you are doing it specifically as a joke, not as a serious statement.

Someone I've written about a few times on this blog is British comedian Eddie Izzard, because I'm such a fan of his self-deprecating humor when he gets into a jam. One of my favorite bits is when he writes a "note to self" on his hand:

"No one got that. Never do that piece again."

"Lost everyone. No one understands."

"No one ever gets that one."

"Where is that bit going?"

He's confident enough in his routine that he can make a joke about a joke that doesn't work. And then he moves on.

Here's another example of someone who used self-deprecating humor at all the right times:

"I thought that remark accusing me of having amnesia was uncalled for. I just wish I could remember who said it." ~ former President Ronald Reagan

Reagan's former speechwriter, Doug Gamble, said, "It seems one of the personality traits we most value in others is a sense of humor. In fact, one of the worst things you can say about a person is that he doesn't have one."

However, you should be careful when using self-deprecating humor:

Use it too frequently and you begin to appear less confident.

Use it too emphatically and you look like you're fishing for compliments.

Use it to define a group and, even if you're part of that group, you'll make someone angry (see this article about Netflix CEO's faux pas in making fun of his fellow Americans. I thought his joke was funny!)

If you'd like to use more humor in your presentations, but aren't sure where to begin, try some self-deprecating humor. We all instinctively know how to do it and we do it all the time!

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Lessons from Seinfeld

Download audio here.

In the documentary, "Comedian," Jerry Seinfeld has decided to scrap all his previous material from decades of success as a standup comedian and TV star, and start over with a new standup act.

This film shows the challenges of this monumentally successful performer as he makes his rounds from comedy club to comedy club, trying out first five minutes of material, then ten, then twenty, attempting to work his way up to a full hour of material worthy of a one-man show.

In a parallel story, and crossing paths with Seinfeld, comedian Orny Adams has been working in standup for several years and is looking for his big break.

I found some excellent lessons on writing, preparing and presenting material, whether it's a comedy bit or a presentation.

1. Take good notes and keep them.

Orny Adams has dozens of notebooks full of ideas for jokes. He may never use them, or he may find one that becomes his signature. You never know where an idea will take you, so write them down and save them!

2. Don't add new material at the last minute that you haven't practiced.

Sometimes we think of a new opening or a story that seems to fit, but we haven't taken the time to integrate it into the presentation. Make sure you practice new content to determine how it fits into your overall message and how you'll transition into and out of it. I've added new material at the last minute before and found that it threw me off sync.

3. Figure out how your content works with different kinds of audiences.

Jerry Seinfeld takes gigs at all times of the day and night, on weekdays and on weekends, in order to craft a routine that works for a variety of audiences. You may not like the 8:00 a.m. gig or the one during lunch with the waiters clanking plates and glasses, but the more experience you have with different venues and audiences, the more you'll improve.

4. Don't make excuses.

If your audience doesn't "get" your message or if they don't respond the way you want them to, chances are it's your fault. It's your job to find out what the audience needs and wants and then give it to them. If you're not meeting their needs, they're not going to love you.

Seinfeld says, "Every comedian has a f'n excuse. 'It's the candles, it's the smoke. Put these candles out -- I gotta go on.' I make no excuse. I just wasn't good."

5. Take the time to make your presentation excellent.

Seinfeld started over. Not a single joke remains from his previous routines or TV show. He started with five minutes of material. Three months later, he had 20 minutes of material. A month after that, 40 minutes. At this 4-month mark, he still wasn't sure his routine was going to work.

This is a seasoned, veteran comedian who could easily rest on his laurels, walk on stage and say just about anything to his adoring fans. But he cares about giving the best performance he can give and is taking as long as it takes to make his routine the best it can be.

6. Everyone struggles, even the pros.

Seinfeld says, referring to being on stage again, "It's so hard to get comfortable. It just comes and goes. There are just glimpses, little moments where I feel like myself and I feel comfortable. And then the rest of it, I'm like in my father's suit with these huge sleeves and legs and I'm going, 'What am I wearing, what am I doing here?'"

After his Tonight Show performance with his new routine, he says to his wife:

"It felt like my first Tonight Show [1981]... in that I came off the stage and I have really no idea what happened. Did I seem normal and comfortable?"

He later commented about the performance, "I just did things that I wouldn't normally do. Little lines, little words that -- I just totally focused on the little tiny mistakes that I made. I got 30 phone calls though, which is, I think, the most I ever had in my life for anything."

Even hugely successful performers and speakers are constantly improving their material, always striving to give a better performance and always working to be the best they can be. This is precisely what makes them so successful.

What are you doing today to improve your presentation?

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Preparing for the wrong audience

On this week's episode of Kathy Griffin: My Life on the D-List, Kathy is preparing for a set at the Apollo Theater. Aware that she doesn't have a huge African-American following, she sets out to test her material and get advice from black friends and celebrities, including the Reverend Al Sharpton, comedian Katt Williams and performer T.I.

She receives valuable advice about what not to say to the audience, but for the most part is told "Be yourself."

Nervous and uncertain about how her act will go over with the crowd, she arrives at the Apollo to discover that she's headlining Amateur Night and there are kids in the theater.

If you've ever seen Kathy Griffin's standup, you will know that she's not a PG comedian. She is known for using crude language and imagery in her shows; she is not a "family-friendly" performer.

She speaks to the producer of the show, who assures her that the kids will not be in the theater when Kathy takes the stage. This does not reassure her.

She starts her set and is winning over the crowd when one of her jokes crosses the line. The audience falls silent and the band starts playing music, indicating that her set is done. She awkwardly realizes she's being played off, thanks the audiences and bolts offstage.

Someone offstage criticizes her for using foul language with kids in the house. Kathy attempts to apologize and she and her assistants basically run for the limousine. Later in the episode, Kathy reveals a letter she has received from the Apollo, stating their disappointment with her material and advising her she is no longer welcome there.

I can see both sides of this situation.

The people who book the show didn't know that Kathy's humor is not appropriate for children? Why would they book a comedian, on Amateur Night, who is known for saying things like "Suck it, Jesus?"

Secondly, why did they not tell her that she was being booked for Amateur Night in the first place, a fact she didn't know until she arrived at the theater?

On the flip side, Kathy's preparation perhaps didn't go far enough in not finding out more about the show in advance.

At the point where she is already in the theater and discovers that there are children on the premises, I can't imagine how difficult it would be for her to change her act to accommodate them.

Kathy thrives on shocking her audiences, but she is also a professional who always researches the audience to make sure her humor will be appropriate and relevant to them. In this case, I suppose both sides were partly to blame for the failure of the performance.

This episode was a perfect example to me of the fact that, no matter how carefully we prepare, there will be times when we blow it, bomb or otherwise disappoint an audience. What can you do in this situation besides learn from the experience and move on?

Note: In researching more on this episode, I read several reviews of her performance by people who say they were at her show that night, and knowing that reality shows are edited for dramatic effect, it's not entirely clear what really happened. However, even as a hypothetical exercise, this is still a valid question: What would you do if you discovered you had prepared for the wrong audience?

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Stay in the game

On "Kathy Griffin: My Life on the D List" last night, Kathy was in Canada to do a show, and she was nervous. She pointed out that she's always nervous before a show, but in fact, she hadn't done any standup in three weeks, and she was more nervous than usual.

Three weeks? A pro like Kathy Griffin gets nervous when she hasn't performed in three weeks?

The only way to stay on top of your game is to stay in the game. The more you speak, the more often you take the opportunity to get in front of an audience, the more you hone your skills.

Just like an athlete, a performer can lose ground when there's no opportunity to practice. You have to stay warmed up, flexible, in the zone.

Take time off, and you might get rusty. You might lose your rhythm.

If you're doing the same presentation every time, taking a break is a nice way to freshen up your "show," resist the temptation to start memorizing, and give your brain a rest.

But don't take too much time off. Stay fresh, but stay in the flow. Try not to go too long between speaking engagements. The more you speak, the more you learn and the more you grow!

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Don't go on a juice fast before a big appearance

Video of Lauren Graham on Ellen after five days on a juice fast. Graham is always a little hyper in her interviews, but she's running on fumes here...

Just a quick tip: Don't try anything new right before a presentation. It might throw you off, just a little.



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