"Soulless perfection" is the wrong goal

Anyone who watched the final season of American Idol will recall Dalton Rapattoni, the blue-eyed, blond-haired, baby-faced, guy-liner-wearing rocker who took third place in the show's final competition.

Dalton was memorable for his unconventional delivery of surprising song choices, like show tunes "The Phantom of the Opera" and "Hopelessly Devoted to You," which he performed in his own unique style. In fact, the judges came up with a new word for Dalton's take on each week's song: "Daltonized."

Here's the thing about Dalton, and about many of Idol's top contestants over the 15-year run of the show: He was imperfect.

Sure, he's cute, and he's got a great look for the stage. But he didn't have the chops of season 15 top two performers La'Porsha Renae or Trent Harmon. Not even close. And as Simon Cowell used to remind us (frequently), "This is a singing competition."

But no, singing ability was not the top concern of the judges or the millions of fans who voted each week.

Guess what people were voting on (besides the singing): Connection.

Ah yes, there it is again. But what Dalton and others demonstrated was that a performer who doesn't necessarily have the best skills can overcome those limitations with personality and connection.

As Keith Urban said after one of Dalton's performances: "I'd always take an inspired attempt over soulless perfection any day of the week."

What are your limitations as a speaker?

You're not as funny as the next guy? Your stories could use some work? Your knowledge still has some holes? You're still gaining experience and don't come across as polished as some others who've been in the trenches longer?

These things are all fixable. You have plenty of time to grow and improve as a speaker. Keep working, keep reaching, keep blossoming.

And in the meantime, your #1 goal is to be real, to be 100% YOU, and to connect with the audience in your own genuine style, with your own genuine personality.

There's not one speaker, singer, musician, politician or performer who benefits from exhibiting "soulless perfection." And your audience certainly doesn't benefit. Nor will they respond emotionally to your robotic flawlessness.

But an "inspired attempt?" Yes! Let's all seek to be inspired when we perform, and to inspire our audiences to take action in the process, by being true to who we are and fully embracing that person.

P.S. I'm a little sad to realize that this is probably my last ever American Idol-inspired post. AI has been a great inspiration to me over the years, providing numerous examples for connecting speakers with principles of performance. Thanks to all the judges and performers for showing us what works and what doesn't (and what REALLY doesn't) on stage, and how to emotionally engage our audiences.

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This is how the pros do it: Kelly Clarkson

By now you've seen last week's performance by Kelly Clarkson on American Idol. It was an extremely moving performance, as we would all agree. What I want to talk about today, however, is her professionalism. This is what a pro looks like, whether performer or speaker (and usually, we're both). (If you haven't seen it or want to watch again, it's below.)

Let's get this part out of the way: She knew and we knew that it was going to be an emotional performance for her. She had already mentioned that there were a few reasons she might cry: She's pregnant; she had written this song when she was pregnant with her first child, so there was nostalgia there; and there was additional nostalgia in the fact that she was the first winner on Idol and now she's performing in the final season.

Now let's talk about how she demonstrated professionalism.

1. How did she know she was going to cry? Well, she rehearsed! Do you think Kelly Clarkson ever wings a performance? Absolutely not. She had most certainly rehearsed this performance and had already found it emotional. She was prepared!

2. She created a song and a performance that she knew would connect with the audience in the first place. If you've seen her performances, you know she gives 100% to connecting with the words and with the audience. She never goes through the motions, even when she's performed a song hundreds of times.

3. When she began to be overcome with emotion, she breathed through it. She took her time, but she didn't let it stop her. She remained committed to the performance.

4. On a side note, not about Kelly, pay attention to the band. They are absolutely 100% in tune with her. She pauses, she sings. She breathes, she sings. Talk about professionalism: They stayed with her till the end, never missing a beat or a note. I can't imagine how difficult that must be, but again, this is about rehearsal, preparation and commitment. The band never wavered, even while Kelly was taking unpredictable pauses.

Look back at my recent post on "winging it." You can show up and give a committed and well-prepared presentation, like Kelly Clarkson did, and your audience will be talking about you for days, weeks and even years. Or you can show up and throw away your opportunity to make an impact by not preparing and not caring, and your audience will forget about you minutes later. It's your choice.



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P.S. It's about the money

In 2012 I wrote a post harshly titled, "I don't care about your dreams." I was making the point that when Project Runway contestants suggested that they should go to Fashion Week because they "... had always dreamed of being a fashion designer," they were way off base. The audience (and Project Runway producers) doesn't care about your dreams. They want to know how you're going to make their life better.

Fast forward to this week's American Idol episode: Hollywood Week.

Singers were asked why they think they should be the next American Idol, and there was plenty of the same "I deserve it because I'm unique," and whatnot. Until Loren Lott took the stage.

Lott: "I'm the next American Idol because I think that I can make American Idol a lot of money."

JLo: "You're speaking the language right now."

See that? Maybe that's not what the audience wants to hear, but it sure is what the American Idol producers want to hear! It's a business, not a dream factory. Loren gets that.

Here's to a contestant who actually gets the point. Give the audience what they want by being an engaging performer. Give the producers what they want by being marketable. And in return, you get what YOU want! (Well, we'll see if she gets what she wants, but at least she has the right attitude!)

Watch Loren Lott's Hollywood Week performance here:



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Handling the pressure onstage

I've spoken to several clients this week about their concerns with thinking on their feet. This is the wild frontier of public speaking, the great unknown: "What if they put me on the spot and I don't know how to respond?"

There are the hostile or upset audience members who don't know how to communicate their discomfort in a healthy way.

There are the questions that have never been posed, so you've never thought of an answer.

And then there's this:

On American Idol last night, in a live telecast in front of millions of viewers, one of the contestants seemed to be breaking down. After some concern and criticism from the judges about his performance, Charlie Askew dutifully approached Ryan Seacrest for the "post-performance" analysis and interview.

But instead of the usual chitchat before the commercial break, Charlie made a rather unsettling statement:

“The message I was really trying to send is that a lot of people think I am a happy buoyant person a lot of the time, and the only reason I smile so much is that I have to.”

This is not the type of comment we typically hear from contestants, a snapshot into the mind of an apparently very fragile young man.

Ryan's response? He put his hand on Charlie's shoulder, looked him in the eye and said:

“Charlie, you’ve got some friends here, okay? We appreciate your courage and your honesty, and there’s nothing easy about having those feelings inside and standing up here and having to do that tonight.”

Entertainment Weekly had this to say about the exchange:

"The host's composure and instantly supportive words in the face of what seemed like an inevitable on-stage meltdown from Charlie Askew will go down in the books. All those history textbooks, with entire chapters about American Idol. We must never underestimate our often-bumbling, always-amusing host's role in ever so gently guiding these boyz II manhood."

I wish there were video, but I imagine Fox is doing everything it can to keep video of the meltdown off the Internet.

The moment was very touching, and I was infinitely impressed with Ryan Seacrest's ability to be in the moment with Charlie, be supportive, and also wrap up the interview so eloquently. Charlie was close to tears and left the stage immediately.

When you worry about thinking on your feet, worry instead about being fully prepared. Ask yourself, "What questions might come up for the audience? What objections might come up for the audience? How can I respond to these situations?"

Ryan Seacrest has been in the entertainment industry for a long time, and on American Idol since day one. I imagine he's been privy to many a contestant meltdown behind the scenes. Nothing can really prepare you for an emotional and pressure-filled moment like that one on live TV, but he pulled it off gracefully.

And so can you, with proper preparation and -- ultimately -- the mindset that you may not always be able to answer the audience's questions or objections, but you can listen, be open and be genuine in the moment when it happens.

Here are a couple of articles about dealing with difficult audiences or hecklers:

Heckle Schmeckle

When audience members attack


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Wear a looser dress

Photo courtesy of fixedgear

On last week's American Idol, the top 12 women performed. One singer, Baylie Brown, wore a lovely and flattering dress, but after her performance, confessed that it was too tight. She said that she had had trouble breathing and that she could feel her heartbeat.

Host Ryan Seacrest spoke to judge Jennifer Lopez after the performance and asked what could be done in this situation. Jennifer's "duh" response: "Wear a looser dress."

It's tempting, when preparing for that next performance or speaking engagement, to put too much emphasis on our appearance, at the risk of sacrificing comfort and ease . After all, we're told that it takes somewhere between three and 30 seconds to make a first impression (where exactly is the science on that?), and we don't want to blow it.

I wrote a post a couple of years ago inspired by Tim Gunn's quote, "Physical comfort is overrated." And I agree that he has a point... to a point. If discomfort gets in the way of your presentation, you will not be able to focus on your audience and getting your message across. In the case of Baylie Brown, her too-tight dress not only distracted her, but literally impeded her breathing. If you're a singer or a speaker, you better be able to take a breath.

I recently read a blog post with some great public speaking tips to make you stand out at work. Most I agreed with. We got some style tips, too, which included dressing up (okay), wearing a supportive bra (hell yes), wearing false eyelashes (wha...?) and "High heels are a must." And I had to wonder... for whom?

My job as a speaker entails being able to stand in front of an audience for anywhere from ten minutes to six hours. I'm really supposed to wear high heels because "it’s not how you feel, it’s how you tower?" My personality is towering enough, thank you very much.

Take the time to look your best, in whatever way works for you and is appropriate for your audience. But don't let vanity get in the way of your performance. Remember: It's not about you, it's about the audience.

There is no benefit to the audience (besides amusement) if you look great, but hobble around on painful stilts with spiky lashes poking you in the eye and your dress so tight you pass out from lack of oxygen.

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Can your audience feel you?

Last night's performance of "Without You" by James Durbin on American Idol showcased one of the aspects of performance that speakers might not only overlook, but consciously try to avoid: Emotion.

There's something embarrassing to adults (especially in a business environment) about showing too much joy, too much sadness, too much quirkiness, too much anything that might reveal a crack in the exterior of the finely crafted and orchestrated "professional" public persona.

Don't make your gestures too big. Don't smile too much. Don't let your voice be too colorful. Don't draw attention to the fact that you are human. Because audiences want to see a flawless, restrained, professional, serious, business-appropriate presentation. Right?

Wrong.

Your audience wants a connection. Sure, they want and deserve good content, but there's no reason you can't give good content and also help your audience relate to you better as a person.

When you hold back part of who you are, the emotional part, the audience only gets a part of the picture. They feel that something's missing, they feel that something's incongruent. What's missing is the rapport, the relationship, the part where the audience feels a little of your pain, your joy, your silliness, your concern, your anger, your disappointment, your pride, your uncertainty, your wisftulness. When you feel it -- and show it -- they can feel it, too. It's a gift from you to them, and it's a gift your audience appreciates and cherishes.

James' performance was not without mistakes, but perfection was not the goal. James told a story with his song, of personal sadness and feelings of loneliness.

Randy Jackson called the performance "Emotionally perfect."

"This is a mark of truly a great performer. I could feel your emotion when you started that, as we were watching the package and you thinking about your family and the journey that you're on here. And I tell you man, just fighting back through the emotions, for you to give a vocal like you gave -- no, it wasn't perfect, but it was emotionally perfect.... And that's what the audience really feels."

After James' performance, he had this to say:

"Every single week, I leave everything on this stage. Everything."

Can you say that about your presentations?

Watch James' performance below:



http://www.americanidol.com/videos/season_10/performances/

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It's okay to have fun!

How many of you are having a good time when you're presenting?

Are you distracted by fears, by insecurity, by how you're coming across or by how many ums you're saying? "Am I doing the right gestures?" "Am I funny enough?"

Or are you reveling in the opportunity to share your message, meet cool people, interact with the audience, and feel that electric feeling when everyone in the room is with you and "getting it?"

Here's a performance by a young man who truly enjoys himself and embraces his unique qualities. He's not concerned so much with doing things "right" as he is about giving his mind, body and soul to the performance, and his appreciation to the audience.

Contrast James with some of the other performers who appear to be trying to do everything "right" and "safe," but who are missing out on the true joy of touching the audience emotionally.

Here are the judges' comments after James Durbin's performance on American Idol last week.

Jennifer Lopez: I feel like you really encompass the whole audience. It was really a full performance of a great song by a great artist. Period.

Randy Jackson: What I also loved about it, you enjoy yourself. That's the greatest thing about any performer performing. Anybody can come out and put on a show and choreograph it, but I really felt like you were having a good time.

The fire, the piano, you coming out here with us, playing up there with the crowd. Dude that was a great, great, great performance.

Here's James' performance:



Now watch Thia Megia's performance from the previous week and listen to the judges' comments, including "dig a little deeper" and "is that song who you think you are?" Thia went home last week, not for lack of talent, but the audience was obviously missing some connection with her.



Which one are you? The safe one? Or the one who pushes boundaries, lets go of inhibitions and finds the joy in presenting?

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Tell me how to win your heart, for I haven't got a clue...

Stefano Langone, a contestant on the current season of American Idol, has it all, according to the judges: a great voice, great pitch, great range, great control.

But he is missing one thing: audience connection. When he sings, it's almost as though he's singing to himself. Jennifer Lopez, one of the judges, made this observation on Wednesday night, in response to his performance of Lionel Richie's "Hello:"

"Fine? Check. Sing like crazy? Check. You have that... When we're saying open your eyes and do those types of things, it's because we want you to connect....

I don't want the intensity to come from you wanting to do well, I want the intensity to come from because your heart is breaking."

Randy Jackson added, "You definitely have the pipes; you can sing.... You sounded good, but there was no real connection.... There was no real emotion for us."

And Jennifer Lopez' final comment was, ""When you start feeling it from your heart, you watch how your phrasing's going to change as well."

Stefano, technically proficient as a singer, ended up in the bottom three during the results show, most likely because the audience responded to his performance as the judges did.

You can have all the right techniques as a speaker. You can have all the right gestures, the right movements, the right vocal variety. You can have good content, a powerful opening, and all the other things we talk about here.

But if you're speaking just to hear the sound of your own fabulous voice; or offering false emotion and karaoke-style rock star intensity; or kicking back emotionally because you think business presentations are all facts and logic, you will not make your desired impression on your audience. They will walk away cold, thinking, "That guy had some good stuff to say, but he just didn't do it for me."

"Do what?" you ask... Connect! Be present with the audience. Have a conversation, like it's just you and the guy in the second row. And the woman in the third row. And the guy in the first row, eighth seat from the left.

If the audience doesn't feel emotionally connected to you, they will not follow through on your call to action. They won't feel inspired to call you, hire you, or buy from you.

For more on connecting, read this post: Only connect! 9 ways to do it.

And take a look at Stefano for yourself. What do you think?



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The audience has heard it before... how do you make it yours?

If you watch American Idol, you'll hear this a lot from the judges: "Put your own spin on the music. Make it your own." However, the more inexperienced the performer, the harder it is for them to do.

Here's an example from a recent episode. Rachel Zevita is sitting in the hot seat, not knowing if she's going to be added to the top 24 contestants or if she's going to be sent home.

Rachel: I kept trying to figure out what you guys wanted to see from me.

Randy Jackson: We want to see you always. We only wanna see you

Jennifer Lopez: You can't be wondering "What does that person in the third row want me to do? Why isn't he smiling?" That's not what it's about. It's about doing something really sincere from your heart. You feel it, they feel it, and then it all works.

As a speaker, you do want to serve the audience and give them what they want. But not at the expense of being your true self.

If you try to mimic another speaker (or mimic another singer, as in the case of many Idol contestants), you just look like a hack who has no voice of her own. You may sound great, you may have a compelling message, but your audience can't quite connect with you, because you are unoriginal. They've heard it before, and expressed in exactly the same way.

There's a big disconnect when you try to copy someone else's mannerisms, vocal patterns or speaking style; you seem insincere and the audience can't quite "feel" the real you. Your message might be the same as someone else's, but only you can deliver it in your own unique way.

What makes you unique?

What's your own personal spin on the topic?

What's your individual point of view?

What makes you stand out from others?

What's original about the way you express yourself?

Dig deep. Know yourself. Actively answer these questions when preparing your presentation. Then use it to make your content, message and delivery stand out as uniquely your own.

Remember: The audience wants to see you. They only wanna see you.

Here's Rachel's original audition:



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Would people tell you if you sucked?

In honor of the new season of American Idol, I bring you the first quote of season 10!

"I've been singing for years. I think people would tell me if I sucked." (By the way, he sucked.)

A lot of speakers truly don't know how they're doing, especially those with lots of experience who've been doing it for a long time. They are comfortable in their routines, comfortable with the applause and the polite smiles, and comfortable in the knowledge that they're being asked to speak, even if they're not getting repeat engagements with the same organizations. They probably don't suck, but they may be in denial about their effectiveness.

But how do you know? Will your family tell you? No way. Will your friends tell you? Maybe, but probably not. Will your employees tell you? Are you kidding?

Where can you get honest feedback that's not influenced by your relationship with the giver?

1. Anonymous evaluations

If you've never had your audience fill out evaluations, they're worth giving out now and then. A few simple questions will tell you a lot about your presentation: What worked, what didn't work, what would they like to learn more about?

Then, don't be too obsessed with the outcome. It's easy to dwell on the one or two low scores or negative comments out of 100, so don't take it too personally, but look at the evaluation as an opportunity to tailor your presentation even more to what the audience is looking for. Here's a compilation of responses from speakers about how they deal with a negative evaluation. And here are a couple of my previous posts about evaluations.

2. Videotape yourself

This works if you can be honest with yourself. My clients tend to discover that they're doing much better than they thought they were when they see themselves on video. At the same time, bad habits are very clear: distracting gestures, repetitive crutch phrases, movement without purpose. It's all plain to see when you watch video of yourself. Maybe if season 7 American Idol contestant Kyle Reinneck had videotaped himself before his audition, he wouldn't have been so surprised at the judges' response (Kyle is not the person I quoted at the top of this post. Kyle could be better, but he doesn't suck).



3. Hire a coach

Elite athletes at the top of their game still rely on coaches to help them refine their skills and get the most out of their natural abilities. A speaking coach can do the same for you, and will be the most neutral party you can find to give you feedback on your content and delivery. Here's a great post on why someone hires a coach. Favorite line: "You hire a coach because you recognize that the best investment can make in your future is in you." I've heard of speaking coaches who are downright mean, but a good coach will never humiliate you or try to discourage you.

Don't live in denial -- use these tools to find out if you suck. You probably don't, but wouldn't it be nice to know for sure?

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Where to put your hands -- Harry Connick, Jr. style

Wondering what to do with your arms and hands? Do you think it feels weird to just rest them at your sides when not gesturing?

Take a lesson from veteran performer Harry Connick, Jr. Notice how comfortable he is with a minimum of movement throughout the performance. When the saxophone player starts his solo at about 1:44, you'll see Harry put both arms at his sides and wait patiently for the solo to end. He's incredibly laid-back, not rushing, not fidgeting.



Of course, if you're more "handsy" like I am, you may rarely take a rest! But be assured that it does not look weird or awkward to rest your hands at your sides.

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Get out of the cage and own the stage!

Yesterday during group coaching, one of my group members identified a difference between one half of the group and the other, in reviewing their videotaped 3-minute presentations.

Half of the speakers seemed to have better projection, better stage presence and an overall more engaging presentation, while the other half of the presentations seemed less effective.

When we analyzed the differences, it came down to one basic factor: where the speakers were putting their attention.

The more effective speakers looked like this:

1. Tall, open posture

2. Heads up

3. Eye contact with the room

4. Natural, open gestures

The less effective speakers looked more like this:

1. Gestures small, close to body, or hands in pockets

2. Eyes down or looking at a place between speaker and audience

3. Standing small instead of tall posture and taking up space

Here's an interesting note. All of the more effective speakers were also perceived to have better projection and voice quality. We were in a small conference room which seats only about ten people, so how is it possible that even in a small room, some people's voices carry better?

Good posture leads to better breathing, which leads to better vocal projection. Good posture and open gestures also enable a speaker to take up more space, to "own the room." These speakers came across as more centered, more confident, better prepared and more accomplished, mostly because they took command of the room with their physical presence.

In putting their attention out to the room, out to the audience, they became connected with the audience. The other group of speakers gave more attention to the space immediately surrounding them and their notes, therefore closing off the energy to the rest of the room and creating an invisible barrier between them and the audience.

Last night on American Idol, judge Kara DioGuardi suggested to one of the contestants, Aaron, that he needs to bring more charisma to his performance. The songs performed on the show were all Sinatra hits, and Kara reminded Aaron that, while Sinatra was not tall, he "filled the stage" with his presence.

It seems that some people were just born with charisma and presence, and you either have it or you don't.

This is false.

Conveying confidence, conviction and assertiveness through your physical presence can be learned. You can learn how to own the room and fill the stage.

Start with your posture, tall, relaxed and open, facing the audience with your feet squared and your eyes forward. No slumping, slouching, hands in pockets or shifting back and forth on your feet. Learn how to ground yourself; it makes a huge difference.

Then look at your gestures. Are your movements small and uncertain or are they flowing and natural? They don't have to be "big" if that's not your style, but you don't want to look like you're wearing a straitjacket, either.

Keep your head up and your eyes out. When trying to remember something, it's tempting to look down at the floor or at the air in front of you. Don't do it! Keep your eyes out and forward.

Finally, give your attention to the audience. Be with them, not in front of them. Encompass them with your eyes and movements rather than creating a cage for yourself where you're standing. Embrace them with your eyes, voice and arms.

I would be remiss if I didn't mention that you also need a strong message and well-prepared content. All the charisma in the world will only momentarily cover up poor preparation and bad material.

You can fill the space with your presence, and demonstrate confidence and charisma. It takes awareness (so videotape yourself) and practice.

Get out of the cage and own the stage!

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Put it away, but don't throw away the key

Have you ever had a really bad day, but still had to put on a brave face and go out into the world? You had commitments you couldn't cancel, so you just put the pedal to the metal and were amazed at how you were able to get through the day.

Did you ever have to give a presentation on a day like this? I wrote here about an experience years ago where I had no choice but to show up for a presentation when I had the flu, including fever and chills. I went, I dug deep, I made it through the day, and then I crashed.

On American Idol this week, one of the contestants was hospitalized for complications from her diabetes. This led to two examples of this kind of "sucking it up."

First, the guys had to perform in place of the women because of Crystal Bowersox' health issue, meaning they lost a day of rehearsal time. They were told in the morning they would be performing.

This must have led to even more stress and anxiety than they would typically have on performance night, but they didn't have a choice, so they all pulled it together (even Alex Lambert, who normally vomits before a performance).

The other example, of course, is Crystal herself, whose reprieve from performing only lasted a day. She had to get back on that stage and perform, regardless of how she felt. Amazingly, hers was the strongest performance of the night.

How do we do this? How is it that we are able, when every fiber of our being is telling us, "Go lie down," "Take care of yourself," "Tear your hair out," "Scream and pound on something," or "Have a good cry," to go on and do what we have to do?

It's called compartmentalization, and it's a good tool to have in your public speaking toolkit.

Compartmentalization is an emotional coping mechanism where we suppress or "put away" certain thoughts and feelings so we don't have to deal with them in the moment. It's a good tool when it allows you to do what you have to do, even when you don't feel up to doing it.

Another personal example: Last Friday, my 20-year-old kitty was very sick. Her health had been declining rapidly and on that morning, she looked like she might not survive the day. However, I had a three-hour training to facilitate and there was no way I could stay with her or even take her to the vet myself. A part of me knew that we might lose her that day, whether by her choice or by ours, but I could not allow myself to dwell on those thoughts, because I could not let down my client, especially at that late notice.

My husband took Kitty to our vet, where we knew she would be in good hands until I was done with my training.

On the verge of emotional overload, I went to UCSB and, for the next three hours, delivered a top-notch training in my usual style with humor, fun and audience engagement.

Luckily, I had had some snuggle time in bed that morning with Kitty, because when I came home, I discovered she had not made it. At which point I was completely free to let out my emotions and deal with my sadness and grief.

Compartmentalizing is a necessary coping technique; without it, we would be swallowed up by our emotions and unable to function in the world whenever anything was going wrong. But it may be easier said than done.

For example, elite athletes are well-known for their ability to play through pain of injury; whether it's a good idea or not is another story.

Soldiers are skilled at compartmentalizing their fears, guilt, anger or sadness when they are at war, and put all their intellectual and emotional energy into the necessary tasks of warfare. However, sometimes a soldier who is good at compartmentalizing is later unable to access those emotions or, worse, becomes overwhelmed by them.

Don't think of compartmentalizing as forgetting or trying to get over something quicker than you are able. Think of it as, literally, putting your thoughts or feelings into a compartment or box for later. You will come back to it if you need to. You will deal with it later. Just for right now, let it go. Don't dwell on it, don't think about it, and focus on the task at hand.

Keep in mind, if you always compartmentalize and then never come back to address the issue (if it needs addressing), you might not be dealing effectively with your emotions.

But as a temporary solution to a problem that can't be solved at that moment, compartmentalizing is a useful and healthy way to get through a hard time and one way that you will survive a presentation even if you are overwhelmed with anxiety.

Notice how you use this tool in your daily life and think about how you might use it more effectively when you have stand up in front of an audience on a day when things aren't going your way.

Share your examples of compartmentalizing in the comments below!

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Perfection is the enemy of authenticity

Some of the American Idol judges' comments this week about John Park's rendition of "Gravity" included "lacking connection," "try to feel the song," and "there could have been a little more soul in it."

Simon said, "I struggle with the believability..." and "It just didn't feel authentic...."

Kara said, "When you're singing it, I don't always believe it. I don't know whether it's because you want to be perfect and you want to hit the notes... but you need to let loose and get out of that comfort zone of yours."

I think she hit the nail on the head. When John Park sang the song, he was so focused on getting it right that he failed to connect emotionally with the song and with the audience.

How often do you find yourself, as a speaker, stressed out because you're afraid of forgetting something or not doing everything exactly as you've planned and rehearsed it?

The more you try to memorize your presentation and make it perfect, the farther away you get from being honest (as John Park said he wanted to be) and authentic. The reason for this is that there's no such thing as perfect. We're all human. No one is perfect. So in striving to be perfect, you end up obscuring your true, authentic self under a mechanical performance.

Audiences don't care about perfection. They don't expect it. They want to relate to you, laugh, cry, be surprised, get goosebumps and feel something when you speak. If you don't feel it, how do you expect them to feel it?

Reveal yourself by getting out of your comfort zone. Stop playing it safe. Be vulnerable. Take a risk. Make a mistake. Make connecting with your passion and connecting with your audience the priority, instead of obsessing about getting everything right.

Perfection is the enemy. Resist!

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Analogies ... American Idol-style

Another season of American Idol has ended, along with Simon Cowell's endless creative analogies to describe how poorly each contestant has performed.

Here are some examples:

"It sounds like a cat jumping off the empire state building."

"You remind me of someone, when you're at a party and someone has had a few drinks, right at the end attempts to sing something and then you're thrown out of the house."

"That was exactly identical to a nightmare I had last week."

"Using the boxing analogy, it was a bit of a lightweight I thought.”

"It was a bit like someone singing in their bedroom."

"That last note … it was like watching a horror movie."

"It sounded like something you'd hear on a cruise ship [or at a wedding, or in a karaoke bar, etc.]."

"It was rather like eating ice for lunch — it will leave you with nothing to remember afterwards."

"My pen has got more charisma."

Oftentimes, Simon's analogies are meaningful only to him. His analogies clearly refer to experiences he's had, but which might not mean anything to the audience.

If you're going to use analogies in public speaking, and you should, make sure that they're universal enough for the audience to get them. Because an analogy is meant to help your audience relate to your point, if they don't get the analogy, they won't get the point either.

Keep using analogies, but only if they mean something!

Here are some of my favorite Speak Schmeak analogies.

Thank you, Paul Yerrick, for the unbelievably perfect photo.

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Some lessons from Melinda Camille

Who is Melinda Camille, you ask? She's a contestant on American Idol who made it through the first round of auditions and is "going to Hollywood!"

Melinda's audition piece holds some lessons I would consider valuable to any speaker.

1. She's grounded. Look at her stance, her posture, her lack of extraneous movement. You can tell she's comfortable in her own skin.

2. She connects. She sings to the judges rather than singing to herself as many contestants do. She makes eye contact and emotional connection, and brings them into her world.

3. She's confident. She doesn't rush through the song to get it over with quickly. She takes her time, letting the song build naturally and with appropriate pauses.

4. She's herself. She doesn't try to sound like anyone else, or make faces or gestures like another performer. Her style is clearly her own.

5. She's expressive and passionate. You can tell she loves singing. She doesn't hold back her emotions; she radiates happiness.

The audition starts at 1:15.


If this clip doesn't work, watch the video here.

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My media diet

Cam Beck invited me to share my media diet and, at the risk of having you lose all respect for me or fall into a boredom coma while reading, here goes.

Books:

I've probably already mentioned my favorites here, but here they are again.

The 4-Hour Work Week has helped me get a fresh perspective on how much and how hard I want to work, and how to use my time more effectively.

Made to Stick succinctly and engagingly explains how to make ideas "sticky" and memorable.

Beyond Bullet Points is my bible of visual presentation design. I just bought the new edition, but haven't read it yet. My old one is full of bookmarked pages; I almost hate to start over.

Media Training A-Z puts the potential nightmare of being interviewed for print media or TV into a clean, simple and conversational format. Tons of great advice.

When I'm not reading business books, I'm still reading nonfiction. I just feel too guilty and unproductive reading fiction. Some of my other nonfiction favorites:

A Thousand Years Over a Hot Stove: A History of American Women Told through Food, Recipes, and Remembrances

Fast Food Nation

Swallowing Clouds: A Playful Journey Through Chinese Culture, Language, and Cuisine

Her Fork in the Road: Women Celebrate Food and Travel

Nickel and Dimed: On (Not) Getting By in America

I am also a cookbook junkie. Out of the 100+ cookbooks I own, here are a couple of favorites that I read over and over:

Hot Sour Salty Sweet: A Culinary Journey Through Southeast Asia

Mangoes & Curry Leaves: Culinary Travels Through the Great Subcontinent

The Vegetarian Bistro: 250 Authentic French Regional Recipes

The Vegetarian Table: France

The Vegetarian Table: Italy

Blogs:

Where do I begin? I'm subscribed to 108 blogs.

About 40 of those are in my "top blogs" list, of which maybe about 16 will have new posts daily. Most of those are blogs about business, marketing, PR and public speaking, but there are a couple of clients' and friends' blogs, a dietician's blog, a couple of grammar blogs and some indie design blogs.

Some of my favorites:

Cam Beck's Chaos Scenario
Rowan Manahan's Fortify Your Oasis
Kim & Jason's Escape Adulthood
Andrew Dlugan's Six Minutes
Scott Ginsberg's Hello, My Name is Blog
Garr Reynolds' Presentation Zen
Seth Godin's blog
Joan Stewart's Publicity Hound
Dan Santow's Word Wise

The rest, about food, tea, design, art and other topics, I get around to when I have time on the weekends.

Newsletters:

I subscribe to a ton and can't keep up with them all, but my favorite is SpeakerNet News, the absolutely most practical and useful newsletter I receive. It's basically a compilation of tips and resources submitted by speakers. It's brilliant.

Magazines:

We used to be huge magazine junkies, but we've pared down quite a bit. I'm subscribed and committed to Saveur, Gourmet, and Health. Yes, I'm a vegetarian, but I don't find that any of the vegetarian magazines suit the way I like to eat.

TV:

I love crime shows. I watch CSI (only the original, though), Criminal Minds, NUMB3RS, Without a Trace, Cold Case, Monk and The Closer.

Shows that make me laugh include Graham Norton, Ugly Betty and 30 Rock. Parts of Saturday Night Live are funny, mostly Weekend Update.

I appreciate a few competition reality shows, the ones where people win something based on a practical skill or talent, like American Idol, Project Runway and Top Chef. And I love Miami Ink and LA Ink, as I get to fantasize about the design and placement of my next tattoo, and to which incredibly talented artist I am going to pay a bazillion dollars for an amazing work of art.

I've gotten hooked on It's Not Easy Being Green, about a family who are attempting to become self-sufficient and sustainable in an old farmhouse in Cornwall, and Little People, Big World, about a family of both little people and average-sized people living on a farm in Oregon.

Maybe I have a thing about farms. . .

News:

Don't read it or watch it. I like Tim Ferriss' philosophy on "cultivating selective ignorance:" if I see something in the headlines on newspaper stands that looks interesting, I'll look it up online later. If something major happens in the world, people will be talking about it and I'll look it up online if I feel the need. Most news is negative and depressing, and is not even "news" most of the time. So I just don't bother.

Social media:

LinkedIn and Facebook are where I spend most of my social media time, although I've signed up for a bunch of other sites that I don't really maintain. I just started using Twitter, which I think is a big mistake. It's really a waste of time (and here I am only checking e-mail twice a day and being really productive), but I can't quit quite yet.

Music and Movies:

I'm already getting exhausted from writing this list, and I'm sure you're exhausted from reading it, if you've made it this far. So I'm going to refer you to my Facebook profile, where you'll find more than you need to know on my movie and music tastes.

I do love music, but I only listen to it in my car and when I'm working out. I have to work in silence, so there is never music in my office. We saw Rufus Wainwright in concert in March, so I'm still playing a lot of his stuff in my car.

Next, I'd like to hear from:

Carrie Sommer at Sommer Designs
Laura Bergells at Maniactive/More Than PowerPoint, and
Nick Thomas at A Public Speaker's Blog.

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Stories make the world go 'round

"Everything I do is story-driven and therefore stories, and therefore what people are singing about, is the thing that, for me, makes a performance."

~ Andrew Lloyd Webber, on American Idol

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"You can never let it show on your face"

Paula Abdul to David Archuleta, after the American Idol contestant forgot the lyrics several times during his performance.

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Who are you performing for?

Here's another interesting example from American Idol of a performer who has a completely different perception of himself than the audience (or at least different from the judges - but I have to assume that if all three judges agree, then many viewers must agree as well). That's not to say he's right or the judges are right, but I wonder if Robbie Carrico has watched himself perform.

He wants to be perceived as a rocker, yet the judges refuse to indulge him. In last night's performance, I think I saw part of what was missing.

Robbie performs to and for himself. His eyes are closed throughout much of his song. When his eyes are open, he's looking up to the ceiling. He doesn't interact with the audience - he doesn't even look at the tv camera.

He doesn't exude the kind of self-assuredness and showmanship that I expect from a rocker dude. He's not workin' the audience at all.



(If you can't see it, click here to go to the video on YouTube.)

Contrast that performance with the judges' "approved" rocker, David Cook. When at the mic, he performs directly to the camera. Twice he walks out and sings to the audience, encouraging them to join in.



(If you can't see it, click here to go to the video on YouTube.)

If you want to connect with your audience and make an impact, you must perform for them, not for yourself.

This, of course, doesn't just apply to rocker dudes. It applies to every performer, including speakers. Who are you performing for?

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On The Everything Page you'll find everything you need to build visibility, credibility and influence through engaging presentations that move your participants into action: freebies, low-cost products and courses, and 1:1 coaching!