You can save the day

In 2020, with three days' notice, I filled in for a speaker who was unable to shift to virtual in the first week of lockdown.

In 2023, I filled in—with zero notice—for a speaker who didn't show up at all. I was sitting in the room waiting for their presentation with the rest of the audience. The room was full, I had already presented once at the conference, so I volunteered to do the session. 🤷🏻

Next month, I'll be filling in for a speaker who had to change their session date at the last minute (three weeks is last-minute in the speaking world!).

Are you always ready to present? Or say a few impromptu words if asked?

If your boss or a colleague reached out and said "So-and-so can't make it tomorrow; can you fill in?" would you be able to say yes? 🤔

You can always be prepared to speak. And perhaps you should be!

Think about the next event you're attending. Is it a graduation, retirement dinner, birthday, wedding or other celebratory occasion? Are you close to the guest of honor in some way?

Don't be caught off guard if the host asks you to make some remarks! 

It doesn't have to be more complicated than, "I've enjoyed my six years working with Jackie. She always brought the best snacks, and I wish her all the best in her future adventures."

Always assuming you'll be asked to speak will serve you better than hoping you're never asked to speak. Write a few words in your phone or on a piece of paper in your pocket. Ready!

I'm a professional speaker, so people assume I enjoy impromptu speaking—which I don't.

But I could spend five minutes talking about a paperclip or my mom's meatloaf if someone requested it. And I'm always ready to help out by filling in.

Think about it:

You could save the day! 

You could be the go-to person everyone thinks of in a pinch.

You could be building your spontaneity muscles and providing critical support when needed. 

"But I'm not good at thinking on my feet!"

Most people who seem impressive at thinking on their feet have spent a lot of time "thinking at their seat" as TJ Walker puts it. 

Keep learning and writing about, reflecting on, and otherwise engaging with your topics of expertise. Note what questions people ask and anticipate new questions, objections and misconceptions.

You may have three weeks, three days, or three minutes to prepare mentally. But you CAN be ready. You can even save the day. 🦸🏻⚡

(Pics: March 2020, speaking for National Speakers Association - Michigan on three days notice. Shifted my existing workshop on webinars into my Go Virtual training with practical tools for remote live presenting! And April 2023 filling in at Associations West with a spontaneous session also on virtual presenting. Do I talk with my hands? YES.)

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If you're not nervous, your presentation might suffer

If you're not nervous, your presentation might suffer.

It doesn't mean you have to be shaking in your boots to give a good performance (because that's not good for anyone), and it doesn't mean that you can't experience incredible energy and a sense of flow and connection during the performance.

What it means is that, in order to do a good job, we have to *care.* We have to be committed to delivering our best AND delivering what the audience needs, wants, and cares about. And there is ALWAYS uncertainty when you're getting in front of a group for the first time.

I'm giving my first significant keynote in December. Yes, I'm nervous! That doesn't mean I don't have 100% confidence in my ability to deliver an amazing experience. It just means that I care!

Top speakers, athletes, and entertainers will always be nervous before an event because they're committed to excellence, and they don't rest on their laurels of previous successes.

Here's a snippet of a conversation between Eddie Murphy and Jerry Seinfeld, from Comedians in Cars Getting Coffee:

Eddie: "The times I've gotten on stage and felt totally loose with no energy of being uncomfortable at all, I would do shitty. I wouldn't have as strong a set."

Jerry responds.

Eddie: You gotta have a little bit of "What if this shit doesn't... what if they don't get all of this shit?" I always do best when I have a little bit of that.

And here's a conversation between Conan O'Brien and Chris Farley, after Chris Farley took a pratfall in his character of motivational speaker Matt Foley:

Conan: "The falling down helps, right? Always gets a laugh."

Chris: "Yeah, it breaks the ice a little bit...."

Chris: "....It's like a first hit in football. It takes the butterflies away. 'Cause I was backstage like, going, 'Oh God—they're gonna know I'm dumb!' So I just fall down, try to do something physical."

Some people are so petrified that they avoid public speaking at all costs. Some get a little stage fright right before beginning their presentations, and it goes away quickly.

And a manageable amount of nervousness is beneficial to a speaker. For one thing, it's a signal to your body that you're in a heightened state of awareness. (I'll be talking more about this in my new course, FYI!)

Nervousness is a part of public speaking like crashes are part of the Tour de France. The best way to deal with nervousness is not to try to eradicate it, but to learn to manage it as a tool and use it to your advantage.

🧪🦠🧠Want to learn more about the biology, chemistry and psychology behind public speaking nerves, and also learn how to manage your nervousness, channel the adrenaline, and work on your mindset around the adrenaline rush?

I've got a new course coming out JUST on public speaking nerves and stage fright. Comment below or message me to get the link when I make it available for pre-order at a special rate.

(Pic: Here I am feeling super relaxed AFTER speaking on a panel.)

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Make a fool of yourself

When we were in LA recently, I made my husband drive around the block into an alley with this blue wall, and then take about a hundred pictures of me so I could make graphics like this one. 📸

Do I feel foolish doing these poses in public while people walk and drive by?

Maybe a little. 🤷🏻

My husband is very patient with my requests; he knows that any time we go somewhere together, I might ask him to stop in a weird place and take some weird pictures.

But taking silly pictures and videos in public is probably the LEAST embarrassing thing I do on a regular basis.

I make a fool of myself practically every time I give a presentation. And every time I learn from it.

I learn what works, what doesn't work, how to recover from mishaps, and how to engage my audience more effectively.

I put myself out there because that's how I grow as a person and as a presenter.

Every time I enter a microfiction contest, I risk embarrassing myself with a story that readers don't get, or that doesn't place, even though I thought it was good.

Or maybe I didn't think it was good, but entered it anyway because it was the best I could do given the prompts and the 24-hour constraints.

Some thoughts on a Sunday: Stop worrying about embarrassing yourself. Just get out there, make mistakes, look foolish. Get out of your comfort zone, push past the discomfort and create learning experiences for yourself!

P.S. Also, if you have a chubby gut and a double chin, take the picture anyway.

What have you done lately to look foolish on purpose? Share your thoughts below! 👇🏼

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Are your identities "real?"

Are you a "real" writer? A "real" artist? A "real" speaker?🤔

I've published a nonfiction book, a microfiction story, and I write practically every day, as well as competing in writing challenges. I even wrote a children's book that I've never published.

Why does it feel weird to call myself a writer?

Do you have the same barrier?🧱

We watched the movie "A Little White Lie," and this bit of dialogue hurt:

"Teresa: I'm excited for the students to meet, like, a real writer.

Shriver: Well, aren't there plenty of real writers here? T., Simone?

Teresa: It's like the only place you can find their books is in the college bookstore in the local author section."

Ouch.🤕

You can't find my book in brick and mortar bookstores. It's on Amazon and some other online sites, and I have a couple boxes in my office for events and clients. But it's not a best seller or known by more than probably a thousand people.

Even though I write every day, how many people see it? Not many, in the grand scheme of things.

So can I call myself a writer? If I'm not famous? If I don't make a living at it?

Well, yes. Yes I can.

Because I decide what my identities are. I'm a "real" writer.📝

An electrician has to go through training and then an apprenticeship, gain thousands of hours of experience, then take an exam and get an certificate before they can even apply for a license.

Of course, writing, speaking and making art aren't as dangerous as electrical work, and I would like to know an electrician won't kill me or himself working in my house.⚡🔌

But if there isn't some external "proof" of your identities, how can you know what to call yourself?

My husband paints; his art is all over our house. Has he sold any? No. Does he have formal training? No. Is he an artist? He hesitates to own that identity, but yes, he is.

I used to market my programs and coaching to "speakers," but I realized that so many of the business presenters I work with—who speak as part of their jobs or as a way to gain visibility and credibility—don't identify as "real" speakers.

So they didn't see themselves in my marketing!💡

Now I call them something they can identify with: "business presenters" or "people who speak for their organization." That one's a little awkward. 🤷🏻

How about you? Are you uncomfortable identifying yourself a certain way because you don't feel "real?"

How would it feel to say "I'm a speaker," "I'm a writer," "I'm an artist," "I'm an athlete," or "Insert yours here?"🎉

P.S. Also, transgender and nonbinary people have real identities, whether you believe in them or not.

👇🏼Share your thoughts below! 

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You get the courage after you do it

You're not going to build public speaking confidence before you do it. That's not the way it works.

You have to actually do the presentations, build the skills, get the experience, survive and learn from your mistakes. That's how you build your confidence.

And every time you you mess up and you don't die, you put that in your back pocket and you pull it out the next time you need a little bit of courage to get in front of an audience or to do something risky.

Unfortunately, it's pretty hard to build courage or confidence if you're not doing the thing you're scared shitless of.

[Thanks to "Three Kings" for this excellent piece of dialogue.

Archie Gates : The way it works is, you do the thing you're scared shitless of, and you get the courage AFTER you do it, not before you do it.

Conrad Vig : That's a dumbass way to work. It should be the other way around.

Archie Gates : I know. That's the way it works.]

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Is "fake it till you make it" bad advice?

Do you hate the expression "fake it till you make it?"

To me, the issue isn't so much with the idea of "faking it" as it is with "making it."

Honestly, I fake it all the time. When I attend an event where I'm nervous and don't know anyone, and would rather be at home with my laptop and cats, you can bet I'm faking confidence when I first walk in.

I kind of play a character, but the character is ME: the most confident, outgoing version of me. And the beauty of it is, as I warm up and meet people, the character goes away, and the confident, outgoing version of me remains.

It's one thing to pretend you know things you don't know, pretend to be someone you're not, to overrepresent your skills or credentials, to make up things that can be proven false. That's not what I'm advocating.

There's a structured way to fake it, a tool used in psychotherapy called "act as if." It's a tool of narrow focus specifically on behavioral change; that is, you're not meant to "act as if" you're a medical doctor if you're not.

But it's used as a way to rehearse behaviors that you want to change, but that seem daunting.

For me, "acting as if" at a networking event looks like walking up to people and putting out my hand to introduce myself, even though it feels awkward and scary.

(See photo of me "acting as if" at a table with strangers 😱👇🏼 the night before a conference. Linda Harvell and Kindra Fry were sitting together and saw me eating alone. Before long, they brought three more "orphans" into the fold, and we became besties!)

"Acting as if" in public speaking might mean making eye contact or smiling, even if it feels awkward and scary.

So faking it, to me, is a natural part of learning, rehearsing and absorbing new and uncomfortable behaviors so we can eventually do them more naturally.

I do get stuck on the concept of "make it." Because this end result sounds vague. What does it even mean? Will I ever NOT be nervous in a room full of strangers? Unlikely. Making it implies an end point, where there might never be one.

I prefer "fake it till you find it." I wish I could say I made this up, but I poked around and it already exists. Darn it.😆

It’s already within you to be more confident, to feel more comfortable in your own skin, to take risks of putting yourself out there more and being seen and heard.

But finding it is not the end result. When you find it, then you can cultivate it. You can keep growing and improving and building on what's already there.

What do you think? Keep "fake it till you make it?" Change it to "fake it till you find it?" Something else?👇🏼

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Visibility can be awkward; do it anyway

You hate bringing attention to yourself. Taking selfie pics and videos makes you want to hurl. I get it.

But if you're an entrepreneur, you need to be seen and heard. And those images and videos of you working, playing, and living your life help people get to know you.

When you go to someone's social media or their website and all you see are stock photos, aren't you a little bit put off? We want to know who's behind the curtain! 🫣

Here are my thoughts on how to make selfies less awkward (keep in mind, it takes a LOT to embarrass me, and even *I* feel weird walking around town shooting videos of myself 😳).

📷 Ask your partner to take pics and videos when you're out and about

It's always less awkward when someone does it for you! My husband knows that when we leave the house, he'll be called into duty as my documentarian.

He knows that documenting my life and work is just part of being visible, and he does it unenthusiastically. 😂 Sometimes I get a laugh out of him if I'm being particularly weird.

📹 Make a date with a fellow entrepreneur

Plan a lunch, a walk on the beach, some wine tasting or a coffee date and make a deal that you'll document each other.

It's still having someone else do it, but this way, you both benefit from the photo shoot. Just film yourselves having fun! (There are also now "selfie museums" that are made just for these kinds of photo shoots.) It's also a good excuse for the ones where you actually do your hair and dress up a little. 

🛠️ Have the right tools

And by tools, I mean phone and tripod. I have a Pocket Tripod by Geometrical Inc. that sits in my wallet, slightly thicker than a credit card. I pull it out, assemble it, and voila! Always ready for a selfie.

😵‍💫 Realize that people aren't paying attention to you

The truth is, most people won't even notice or care about what you're doing. Sitting on a park bench taking a selfie? Who really cares?

Everywhere you go, people are filming themselves, their friends, their views, their food, their pets... it's a *thing.*

When you're out and about, put your phone in your hand. Be ready when the inspiration strikes. Cool wall? Take a pic in front of it! Trees and greenery? Great backdrop. Funny sign? Perfect spot to pose.

Build a library of selfies and videos (aka "b-roll") so you always have something to add to your website and your socials, especially for those times when you just don't feel up to a pic.

🛑 Oh, and that thing people say, "Selfie for the algo..."? You don't need to explain yourself for posting pictures on social media. Pics get more engagement than anything else you can post. So stop explaining or apologizing and just do it!

How do you build your selfie library? Share below!

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Don't wait for things to happen. Make things happen.

I read a post recently that said "It makes me sad that nobody invites me on podcasts, I have so much value to offer."

Sometimes it feels like you're at the world's mercy. Like everyone is invited to the party except you. 😭

But you do have control over at least one thing: your own actions.

When I'm not getting speaking inquiries or my previous clients don't need me at the moment, I have actions I can always take.

1️⃣ I make offers. I tell people what I do and invite them to find out more. This can be in the form of social media marketing where I post links and calls to action, or it can be in the form of reaching out to people who've inquired in the past and letting them know that I have a program that might be a good fit for them.

2️⃣ I research and apply for speaking engagements. There are a LOT of conferences and podcasts out there and most of them have some sort of application process. You can Google ""speaker rfp" or "speaker request for proposals" and find many many options. You can also Google "podcast guest application." (My Speaker Proposal Hacks Pack can help once you find the ones you want to apply for!)

3️⃣ I create my own programs and products. You don't have to develop a whole podcast or a whole conference. Record videos or audio sharing value and expertise and put them out to the world for free, or create your own products that people can buy.

My business is a mix of corporate training, conference speaking, 1:1 coaching and self-paced DIY programs. I never put all my eggs in one basket and I don't sit around waiting for someone else to invite me to their thing.

I'm not saying it's easy. And I'm not saying that putting myself out there creates instant business. I feel sorry for myself sometimes; it's human nature!

Entrepreneurship is a long game. Know that when opportunities "fall into your lap" it's often from the relationships you've created over time.

Just last week I received three training inquiries:

👉🏼One from a previous training client

👉🏼One from someone who's followed my work for a long time and has found a possible speaking slot for me

👉🏼And one from someone I spoke to months ago and now has an opportunity I might be a good fit for.

I also received three coaching inquiries:

👉🏼One from a previous client who has a new speaking engagement that she needs help with

👉🏼One from someone I've been connected with for years who just now needs my help

👉🏼And one from someone I don't know who found me on Google.

There are factors at play like fees, budgets, topic fit and timing that mean maybe not all of these will work out.

But it demonstrates that taking action—playing the long game, building relationships and making yourself visible—does work. If not immediately, then eventually!

Next time you're sad that you haven't been invited to the party, go ahead and find another party and ask for an invitation! And while you're at it, plan your own party and YOU make the invitations! 💌 

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Stop thinking you have to know everything

Things no one expects you to know (without at least some research):

1. How to pronounce "floccinaucinihilipilification"

2. How to make Kung Pao chicken

3. Every word in the Constitution of the United States

4. What's causing that pain in your lower left abdomen

5. How to fix your own dryer

So why is there so much discomfort around not knowing "business things?"

As an entrepreneur, it can feel like you have to know everything about everything.

But you don't have to become an expert in every aspect of your business.

If your business isn't marketing, you'll have to learn a few things about marketing (or hire someone to do it for you).

If your business isn't bookkeeping, you'll have to learn a few things about bookkeeping (or hire someone to do it for you).

If your business isn't giving presentations, you'll have to learn a few things about effective public speaking.

Except this isn't something you can pay someone else to do!

If you're an entrepreneur, your big why, your one-of-a-kind skills and talents, your area of expertise... you alone can bring that to the world.

You don't have to become a speaking expert to build visibility, awareness, networks, reputation, and lead your people competently and capably.

But speaking is a unique skill that you should be cultivating if you're the face of your organization.

If you don't know how to do it well, that's okay.

If you have some experience, but you're not getting the results you want, that's okay!

If you've been doing it for a long time, but haven't leveled up your skills, that's okay!

Nobody expects you to be an expert.

At the same time...

Your audiences, employees, volunteers, board, stakeholders, and peers do expect a certain level of proficiency, and a level of conscientiousness, effort and thoughtfulness.

And they do expect a level of connection and engagement that's not just lecturing, reading from bullet points, or throwing together a few points at the last minute.

Stop thinking you have to know everything.

Do own and embrace your responsibility to be an effective communicator for understanding, influence, inspiration and relationship-building, and for expressing purpose, vision, values and goals.

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They're never going to be ready for you

Nobody is ever ready for the people who are going to make the biggest impact.

Nobody is ever ready for the outspoken thought leaders with the nontraditional ideas and the bold presence.

They may be craving EXACTLY what you have to offer, but they don't know it yet.

That's the whole point of standing out as a changemaker.

My friend Precious Williams posted the other day "Remember when we all wanted to look, sound, and act successful and polished? Remember when we felt we had to fit in to be successful?" And she asked "Are they ready for the next version of you?"

My reply was "They're never ready, but I'm here anyway."🤷🏻

I'm guessing no one is ready for what they're going to experience when cutting-edge peeps like Joanne Lockwood, Dr. Tina Opie, Madison Butler, Pegine Echevarria and Precious walk into a room.

If they're ready for you, it's too late. You're already one of the crowd.

If they're ready for you, you're already blending in. You're already "safe."

So to me, the question is really "Are you ready for them NOT to be ready for YOU?"

Put yourself out there anyway. You're forging a path and paving the way for others to come behind you.

Someone has to be in front.

It's you.

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Why you should do podcast interviews... and it's not why you think

I just had the most amazing conversation with Karen LaMarsh for her Real Life Startup podcast, and it made me realize why I enjoy being interviewed so much.

Sure, we all want to build our credibility and visibility through sharing our ideas and intellectual property via speaking and interviews.

But here's the REAL reason you should be doing podcasts (and speaking, and creating video, and writing...): Every time you open your mouth to talk about your ideas, they get better.

Especially when you have a host asking you questions and restating your ideas. At least three times today during my conversation with Karen, I had an aha moment about my own message and my own marketing.

She rephrased things I said and reiterated my ideas in a way that helped me gain even deeper insight into what I want my message to be!

When we explain, interpret and clarify our ideas via speaking or writing, our ideas often become more clear to ourselves.

Maybe you'll get more clients and customers if you get interviewed on podcasts or speak in front of an audience. But also, maybe you'll get more clarity on your message, continuing to improve and refine it as you go! 

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My 4 speaking nonnegotiables

What's your biggest concern about speaking? (You don't have to answer out loud.)

Whatever it is, I have 4 simple solutions that will address it!

The first one is preparation. I know everyone hates preparation. Nobody wants to make time for it. Preparation is just unloved. But you can't deliver the same presentation to an audience of travel agents that you're going to deliver to an audience of accountants.

Each audience is different and you can't approach different audiences with the exact same presentation. So preparation is that really boring thing that you have to do in advance so your presentations are tailored to the people you're speaking to.

Next is engagement. This is absolutely critical to creating an experience for your audience that they'll remember, that they'll take with them, that will motivate them to take action.

Engagement is how you actually get their brains to retain your information. Engagement doesn't mean being silly or pulling out a ukulele or making the audience all high-five each other.

There are a lot of things we hate in presentations. And one of these is when a speaker tries to engage us in a contrived way. But there are a lot of ways to engage your audience that can be authentic to you and not contrived.

Third is mindset. Probably most of the negative thoughts you have about getting in front of an audience aren't based in reality. It's all imagined. And because of that, you can change your mindset.

Mindset is both internal and external: it's how you perceive yourself, and it's also the outward manifestation of that perception of yourself. Developing a positive mindset is something I work on with a LOT of my clients.

The last thing is differentiating yourself by embracing your unique voice, personality and point of view. Being real creates connection. There's no substitute for getting on stage and connecting, bringing your own special qualities every time you get in front of an audience.

Which one of these four pillars of successful speaking would solve your biggest speaking concern? Reach out if you need support!

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Why is it okay to not know some things, but not okay to not know other things? 🤔

It never occurred to me until about 10 days ago that I could put a shower cap on and keep my hairdo for an extra day!

Is anyone going to think I'm an idiot for not having thought of this before? And if they do, do I really care? I don't know everything. 🤷🏻

So now let me ask you this... Why are you embarrassed to admit you don't know everything about public speaking and presentations?

SOOOO many people are embarrassed about asking for help on things they aren't experts in. Guess what: you can't be an expert on everything!

You're an expert in some areas, and it's your job to know about those areas.

But you don't have to know everything about accounting, marketing, sales, coaching, speaking, or other things that are outside your area of expertise, right?

If you take your car to a repair shop, are you embarrassed that you don't know how to repair your car? If you have somebody do alterations to a pair of pants, are you embarrassed that you don't know how to sew?

I actually have clients who don't want their names on my website, even though they'll give me testimonials. Because they don't want anyone to know they went to a speaking coach.

Look, I just figured out that a shower cap is my new best friend. I'm 56 years old and I never thought of using a shower cap. Big fucking deal!

Do you need help with your speaking? There's nothing to be embarrassed about! I study this every day. It's my life's work. It's not yours. It's perfectly okay not to know stuff.

So how about reaching out and getting some support?

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On The Everything Page you'll find everything you need to build visibility, credibility and influence through engaging presentations that move your participants into action: freebies, low-cost products and courses, and 1:1 coaching!

You are not the distraction

Let's talk about real distractions:

❌ Wordy and poorly designed slides
❌ Jangling change in your pocket
❌ Constant fiddling with hair and jewelry
❌ A monotonous or grating voice
❌ Overused crutch words and fillers
❌ Uncontrolled movement and pacing

What is not a distraction is you bringing your whole self to the presentation.

We've been told that we shouldn't "distract" with our appearance. That it takes away from the message.

But you are not separate from your message. You and your message are intertwined. You bring your message to life.

A personality void on stage is not what audiences want.

Audiences want a fully-formed human to connect with. They want an authentic relationship with you.

✅ Got tattoos?
✅ Purple hair?
✅ Giant earrings?
✅ A natural afro puff?
✅ Facial hair?
✅ A lisp?
✅ An accent?
✅ A disability?

Don't hide. Don't do the audience (and yourself) the disservice of incongruence. 

Who you are, what you believe, what you say, what you do, how you look: It's all YOU.

Bring it.

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On The Everything Page you'll find everything you need to build visibility, credibility and influence through engaging presentations that move your participants into action: freebies, low-cost products and courses, and 1:1 coaching!

Three options for when you have to speak after "that guy"

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It's okay to be "unprofessional"

"Emotion in business is unprofessional."
"Black women's natural hair is unprofessional."
"Tattoos are unprofessional."
"Facial hair is unprofessional."
"Poor grammar/spelling is unprofessional."

And for speakers (I've actually heard these):

"Flat shoes are unprofessional."
"Curly hair is unprofessional."
"Showing bare arms is unprofessional."
"Not wearing makeup is unprofessional."
"Saying 'um' is unprofessional."
"Sitting down while presenting is unprofessional."

Oftentimes, we're told our appearance is unprofessional if we don't meet gender norms or dominant cultural norms.

Other times, not living up to certain educational or other social norms peg us as "unprofessional."

There are definitely things I would call out as unprofessional in business:

👎🏼 Lack of respect for colleagues or customers
👎🏼 Consistently showing up late
👎🏼 Being unresponsive to emails or phone calls
👎🏼 Taking credit for others' work
👎🏼 Lying

But I will fight you over the lists above. 🥊 (If you want to argue with me about spelling and grammar, Google "literacy privilege.")

And I will keep serving my clients with alternating pink and gray hair, five-inch long earrings, visible tattoo, and flat shoes.

Because these things have nothing to do with how well I do my job and everything to do with me being a fulfilled, aligned, and happy human being.

As Madison Butler 🏳️‍🌈🦄 (one of my favorite DEI advocates on LinkedIn) says: "I'm not for everyone." 😉

What have you heard is "unprofessional" in business that you disagree with? Let me know in the comments!

(You can also comment on or like the original LinkedIn post here. It's currently at 404 reactions, 131 comments, 20+ shares, and 14,866 views in the feed.)

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On The Everything Page you'll find everything you need to build visibility, credibility and influence through engaging presentations that move your participants into action: freebies, low-cost products and courses, and 1:1 coaching!

You will be judged

I haven't been completely honest with you.

I've been posting a lot lately about body positivity and age positivity because so many women hold themselves back from getting in front of an audience because of shame or embarrassment about their bodies and their appearance.

I've been telling you that you have to get out there anyway. And I stand by what I've said! But I've omitted something.

You may be lucky enough not to have any trolls or haters, but the truth is, others will judge you. This is really what lies at the root of avoiding public speaking. Avoiding judgment.

Whether your concern is losing your place, boring the audience, getting tongue-tied, or being unable to answer questions, these all come down to a fear of being judged.

Judged inadequate. Judged incompetent. Judged insufficient. Rejected.

And as much as I remind my clients that audiences want you to succeed, there is a legit reality here:

We're judging and critiquing people all the time.

We walk down the street noting what people are wearing, what they're saying, what they're holding, what they're doing. We notice, we filter, and then we move on.

We do this to determine lots of things, but mostly: Is this person like me? How much is this person LIKE me or DIFFERENT from me?

We're always subconsciously trying to figure out our relationship to others. Should I smile? Should I be threatened? Is he trustworthy? Does she want something from me? Can I connect with him?

We're social animals. Pack animals. Herd animals. We rely on the herd for our survival, so in a sense, we're like any suspicious and wary animal. Yes, we are like dogs sniffing butts.

So you ARE being judged. But not in the way you think. The audience is trying to determine their relationship with you. Can they trust you? Will you listen to them and understand where they're coming from? Is this relationship worth their time and money?

Your job on stage is to connect, relate, serve and deliver.

You don't have to be LIKE your audience to do so. but you do have to honor what the audience needs, wants, and cares about. Your words have to be consistent and aligned with your actions and emotions. You have to be sincere, authentic, and focused on serving the audience.

If you make a mistake, this doesn't damage your relationship with the audience. They won't judge you for forgetting what you were saying or having an equipment snafu. It's not the technicalities that interfere with your relationship.

What DOES damage your relationship with the audience is lack of connection, lack of understanding of who they are and what they want, not putting in the time to provide an excellent experience, and overly anxious concern for your own well-being.

When you get past that, nothing can scare you anymore.

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On The Everything Page you'll find everything you need to build visibility, credibility and influence through engaging presentations that move your participants into action: freebies, low-cost products and courses, and 1:1 coaching!

Stop hiding [part 3]

Remember last year, when no one could get their hair cut or colored professionally? There was a huge panic among women...especially around those silver roots😱👩🏼‍🦳.

Remember what happened? Thousands, maybe millions, of women went natural! The Instagram #SilverSisters hashtag BLEW UP, as well as #GrayHairDontCare and #SilverHairDontCare.

Some of my speaker friends thought they would never get another gig if they went silver... but we now see that, while the pandemic definitely made it hard to get work, it was never about the hair.⠀⠀⠀

Other speaker friends freaked out about having headshots that were different from their real hair... so they went to Fiverr and got their headshots doctored to show the new silver hairdos!

One friend mentioned she was ordering purple hair color because "It's not like I'm going to be doing any speaking any time soon!"

I replied "Why not? The world has gone virtual, and so can you!"

Her answer "Maybe after I do the purple—right now I look like Cruella de Ville and I think I would scare small children!" (Which would be a problem if small children attended her presentations.)

Look: If we can't be human and authentic right now, in this time and place, when we've all been forced to peel back the layers of our souls, when can we?

You have ALL the tools you need. People still need your expertise, your brilliance, your unique perspective and voice.

Your hair (your body, your appearance, your age) is not the problem.⠀⠀

👂🏼What's holding you back is between your ears.👂🏼

Let's get back out there and keep on #SpeakingUpForChange!

Reach out for a free consultation: I can help you get your message out to the world!

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On The Everything Page you'll find everything you need to build visibility, credibility and influence through engaging presentations that move your participants into action: freebies, low-cost products and courses, and 1:1 coaching!

Stop hiding [part 2]

"Forgive the no-makeup face!"

"Please don’t judge the 'fresh face.'"

"Ignore the no-makeup morning face."

"Forgive the 'I work from home' messy bun and lack of makeup."

Have you apologized for your appearance on social media?

This is a picture I deleted the other day instead of posting. I didn't love how the lighting brought out my rosacea and my blemishes, so took a couple more that were more flattering.

I see multiple women EVERY DAY apologizing for looking like themselves, for showing their real faces. I see even more women who won't even post a picture without makeup or a heavy filter.⠀

You are not your appearance. You are SO MUCH MORE THAN WHAT YOU LOOK LIKE!

Check out all those red marks on my face, my wrinkles, my not-plucked eyebrows, my blotchy chest, my chin scar and spider veins from having my chin bashed in in a car accident.

Are you judging me? Do you dislike me? Are you embarrassed or sad for me? If so, buh-bye. I don't need you here. But if you're thinking, "Of course I'm not judging you for looking like a 56-year-old woman who's had a LIFE," then I would like you to apply that to yourself!

As I said in my previous post, I talk to so many women who are afraid of being judged on their appearance, who are hiding, avoiding speaking, avoiding shooting video, avoiding being seen.⠀⠀⠀⠀

And I will say it again: The world still needs to see you, hear your message, learn from you. You have SO MUCH TO GIVE. And we really don't care how you look while you're giving it!

And people who DO care? F#ck 'em.

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On The Everything Page you'll find everything you need to build visibility, credibility and influence through engaging presentations that move your participants into action: freebies, low-cost products and courses, and 1:1 coaching!

Ya gotta own it

It all started with a Gmail address.

I received an email from a woman who asked me if I was interested in a learning platform for my clients, and requested a conversation. She referred to "we" in her email, yet didn't mention a company or partners. And her email came from a Gmail address.

I was underwhelmed. Who is this "we" you speak of, and why don't you have a professional email address? The email was also a little generic, referring to how I "empower confidence." Hmmm. I get so many of these. I ignored the email.

A week later, the woman reached out again. Realizing that she was a real person and not a spammer, I replied, asking her for more information about her company before scheduling a call. Her reply explained a little bit more: "This would be more of a learning call from your years of expertise to shape what we build - we don't have anything to sell." Aha.

I booked a time on their calendar to learn more about the platform they were building. Still in the dark, but a little more intrigued.

Imagine my surprise and delight when I discovered these two women each have more than a decade of high-level experience in their respective fields, software engineering and marketing, are highly knowledgeable and well-studied on what they're offering, and are women of color in a traditionally male industry.

We had a great conversation. I'm hoping to support their product as they develop it, and I did give them this feedback: Ladies, you've gotta OWN IT.

Perhaps because they weren't pitching me for funding, they didn't feel the need to establish their credibility. Or maybe, as newish entrepreneurs, they're experiencing some insecurity about what they bring to the table. It's possible they're not used to "tooting their own horn."

Whatever the reason, they initially came across as lacking professionalism and credibility, when in fact they're very professional and extremely credible.

I'm directing this to the women in my community, as we are all WELL aware of the difficulties women have around self-promotion. But perhaps some men need to hear this, too.

🥳If you don't toot your own horn, no one else will.

🎓If you don't believe in your own authority, expertise and credibility, no one else will.

💎If you don't promote the value you bring to the table, no one else will.

So ladies (and gentlemen): Ya gotta own it. And ya gotta share it. In your communications, in your marketing, in your branding. And yes, in your email address!

Who's with me? Ready to own your power... in your presentations? Schedule a call and let's get started!

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On The Everything Page you'll find everything you need to build visibility, credibility and influence through engaging presentations that move your participants into action: freebies, low-cost products and courses, and 1:1 coaching!