Make a fool of yourself

When we were in LA recently, I made my husband drive around the block into an alley with this blue wall, and then take about a hundred pictures of me so I could make graphics like this one. 📸

Do I feel foolish doing these poses in public while people walk and drive by?

Maybe a little. 🤷🏻

My husband is very patient with my requests; he knows that any time we go somewhere together, I might ask him to stop in a weird place and take some weird pictures.

But taking silly pictures and videos in public is probably the LEAST embarrassing thing I do on a regular basis.

I make a fool of myself practically every time I give a presentation. And every time I learn from it.

I learn what works, what doesn't work, how to recover from mishaps, and how to engage my audience more effectively.

I put myself out there because that's how I grow as a person and as a presenter.

Every time I enter a microfiction contest, I risk embarrassing myself with a story that readers don't get, or that doesn't place, even though I thought it was good.

Or maybe I didn't think it was good, but entered it anyway because it was the best I could do given the prompts and the 24-hour constraints.

Some thoughts on a Sunday: Stop worrying about embarrassing yourself. Just get out there, make mistakes, look foolish. Get out of your comfort zone, push past the discomfort and create learning experiences for yourself!

P.S. Also, if you have a chubby gut and a double chin, take the picture anyway.

What have you done lately to look foolish on purpose? Share your thoughts below! 👇🏼

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On The Everything Page you'll find everything you need to build visibility, credibility and influence through engaging presentations that move your participants into action: freebies, low-cost products and courses, and 1:1 coaching!

Sometimes you're not meant to be part of the conversation

I was once reading a conversation started by a Black person about anti-Black hate crimes, and I thought it would be helpful to mention antisemitism and the hate crimes that Jews experience.

Why did I think that would be helpful? 🤷🏻

Maybe I thought Black people needed to know that Jews are also victims of violence? (Nope, they already know that.)

Maybe I thought I was offering solidarity? (I wasn't. I was making it about myself.)

Maybe I thought the conversation needed "different perspectives?" (It didn't. It was a conversation meant to educate and bring awareness about people's lived experiences, not to ask for different opinions.)

This was a huge learning experience for me, realizing that sometimes it's not actually about ME. Sometimes my opinion or perspective is not needed or relevant. 🤯

As a communication junkie and natural-born opinionated bigmouth, I have spent my life inserting myself into conversations that were not meant for me. I tend to think my opinion is incredibly valuable and worthwhile and that everyone should hear it. 📢

Now, if I want to create awareness of antisemitism, I can make my own post. I can share my own resources. I don't need to hijack someone else's post about their lived experience and try to insert my own, when it's not relevant.

I'm unlearning some things. Just because people are talking publicly about something on social media doesn't mean they want to hear "my side of the story."

Sometimes a topic is open for discussion and different perspectives.

Sometimes there's only ONE SIDE and we need to just shut up and listen. 👂🏼

To clarify:

Men: learn from the experiences of women.

White women: learn from the experiences of Black women and WOC.

White people: learn from the experiences of Black people and POC.

Straight people: learn from the experiences of LGBTQ+ people.

Cisgender people: learn from the experiences of trans and nonbinary people.

Non-disabled people: learn from the experiences of people with disabilities.

Etc.

Most of us have multiple identities, so listen to the ones you are not a part of!

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You get the courage after you do it

You're not going to build public speaking confidence before you do it. That's not the way it works.

You have to actually do the presentations, build the skills, get the experience, survive and learn from your mistakes. That's how you build your confidence.

And every time you you mess up and you don't die, you put that in your back pocket and you pull it out the next time you need a little bit of courage to get in front of an audience or to do something risky.

Unfortunately, it's pretty hard to build courage or confidence if you're not doing the thing you're scared shitless of.

[Thanks to "Three Kings" for this excellent piece of dialogue.

Archie Gates : The way it works is, you do the thing you're scared shitless of, and you get the courage AFTER you do it, not before you do it.

Conrad Vig : That's a dumbass way to work. It should be the other way around.

Archie Gates : I know. That's the way it works.]

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On The Everything Page you'll find everything you need to build visibility, credibility and influence through engaging presentations that move your participants into action: freebies, low-cost products and courses, and 1:1 coaching!

Is "fake it till you make it" bad advice?

Do you hate the expression "fake it till you make it?"

To me, the issue isn't so much with the idea of "faking it" as it is with "making it."

Honestly, I fake it all the time. When I attend an event where I'm nervous and don't know anyone, and would rather be at home with my laptop and cats, you can bet I'm faking confidence when I first walk in.

I kind of play a character, but the character is ME: the most confident, outgoing version of me. And the beauty of it is, as I warm up and meet people, the character goes away, and the confident, outgoing version of me remains.

It's one thing to pretend you know things you don't know, pretend to be someone you're not, to overrepresent your skills or credentials, to make up things that can be proven false. That's not what I'm advocating.

There's a structured way to fake it, a tool used in psychotherapy called "act as if." It's a tool of narrow focus specifically on behavioral change; that is, you're not meant to "act as if" you're a medical doctor if you're not.

But it's used as a way to rehearse behaviors that you want to change, but that seem daunting.

For me, "acting as if" at a networking event looks like walking up to people and putting out my hand to introduce myself, even though it feels awkward and scary.

(See photo of me "acting as if" at a table with strangers 😱👇🏼 the night before a conference. Linda Harvell and Kindra Fry were sitting together and saw me eating alone. Before long, they brought three more "orphans" into the fold, and we became besties!)

"Acting as if" in public speaking might mean making eye contact or smiling, even if it feels awkward and scary.

So faking it, to me, is a natural part of learning, rehearsing and absorbing new and uncomfortable behaviors so we can eventually do them more naturally.

I do get stuck on the concept of "make it." Because this end result sounds vague. What does it even mean? Will I ever NOT be nervous in a room full of strangers? Unlikely. Making it implies an end point, where there might never be one.

I prefer "fake it till you find it." I wish I could say I made this up, but I poked around and it already exists. Darn it.😆

It’s already within you to be more confident, to feel more comfortable in your own skin, to take risks of putting yourself out there more and being seen and heard.

But finding it is not the end result. When you find it, then you can cultivate it. You can keep growing and improving and building on what's already there.

What do you think? Keep "fake it till you make it?" Change it to "fake it till you find it?" Something else?👇🏼

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Visibility can be awkward; do it anyway

You hate bringing attention to yourself. Taking selfie pics and videos makes you want to hurl. I get it.

But if you're an entrepreneur, you need to be seen and heard. And those images and videos of you working, playing, and living your life help people get to know you.

When you go to someone's social media or their website and all you see are stock photos, aren't you a little bit put off? We want to know who's behind the curtain! 🫣

Here are my thoughts on how to make selfies less awkward (keep in mind, it takes a LOT to embarrass me, and even *I* feel weird walking around town shooting videos of myself 😳).

📷 Ask your partner to take pics and videos when you're out and about

It's always less awkward when someone does it for you! My husband knows that when we leave the house, he'll be called into duty as my documentarian.

He knows that documenting my life and work is just part of being visible, and he does it unenthusiastically. 😂 Sometimes I get a laugh out of him if I'm being particularly weird.

📹 Make a date with a fellow entrepreneur

Plan a lunch, a walk on the beach, some wine tasting or a coffee date and make a deal that you'll document each other.

It's still having someone else do it, but this way, you both benefit from the photo shoot. Just film yourselves having fun! (There are also now "selfie museums" that are made just for these kinds of photo shoots.) It's also a good excuse for the ones where you actually do your hair and dress up a little. 

🛠️ Have the right tools

And by tools, I mean phone and tripod. I have a Pocket Tripod by Geometrical Inc. that sits in my wallet, slightly thicker than a credit card. I pull it out, assemble it, and voila! Always ready for a selfie.

😵‍💫 Realize that people aren't paying attention to you

The truth is, most people won't even notice or care about what you're doing. Sitting on a park bench taking a selfie? Who really cares?

Everywhere you go, people are filming themselves, their friends, their views, their food, their pets... it's a *thing.*

When you're out and about, put your phone in your hand. Be ready when the inspiration strikes. Cool wall? Take a pic in front of it! Trees and greenery? Great backdrop. Funny sign? Perfect spot to pose.

Build a library of selfies and videos (aka "b-roll") so you always have something to add to your website and your socials, especially for those times when you just don't feel up to a pic.

🛑 Oh, and that thing people say, "Selfie for the algo..."? You don't need to explain yourself for posting pictures on social media. Pics get more engagement than anything else you can post. So stop explaining or apologizing and just do it!

How do you build your selfie library? Share below!

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Don't wait for things to happen. Make things happen.

I read a post recently that said "It makes me sad that nobody invites me on podcasts, I have so much value to offer."

Sometimes it feels like you're at the world's mercy. Like everyone is invited to the party except you. 😭

But you do have control over at least one thing: your own actions.

When I'm not getting speaking inquiries or my previous clients don't need me at the moment, I have actions I can always take.

1️⃣ I make offers. I tell people what I do and invite them to find out more. This can be in the form of social media marketing where I post links and calls to action, or it can be in the form of reaching out to people who've inquired in the past and letting them know that I have a program that might be a good fit for them.

2️⃣ I research and apply for speaking engagements. There are a LOT of conferences and podcasts out there and most of them have some sort of application process. You can Google ""speaker rfp" or "speaker request for proposals" and find many many options. You can also Google "podcast guest application." (My Speaker Proposal Hacks Pack can help once you find the ones you want to apply for!)

3️⃣ I create my own programs and products. You don't have to develop a whole podcast or a whole conference. Record videos or audio sharing value and expertise and put them out to the world for free, or create your own products that people can buy.

My business is a mix of corporate training, conference speaking, 1:1 coaching and self-paced DIY programs. I never put all my eggs in one basket and I don't sit around waiting for someone else to invite me to their thing.

I'm not saying it's easy. And I'm not saying that putting myself out there creates instant business. I feel sorry for myself sometimes; it's human nature!

Entrepreneurship is a long game. Know that when opportunities "fall into your lap" it's often from the relationships you've created over time.

Just last week I received three training inquiries:

👉🏼One from a previous training client

👉🏼One from someone who's followed my work for a long time and has found a possible speaking slot for me

👉🏼And one from someone I spoke to months ago and now has an opportunity I might be a good fit for.

I also received three coaching inquiries:

👉🏼One from a previous client who has a new speaking engagement that she needs help with

👉🏼One from someone I've been connected with for years who just now needs my help

👉🏼And one from someone I don't know who found me on Google.

There are factors at play like fees, budgets, topic fit and timing that mean maybe not all of these will work out.

But it demonstrates that taking action—playing the long game, building relationships and making yourself visible—does work. If not immediately, then eventually!

Next time you're sad that you haven't been invited to the party, go ahead and find another party and ask for an invitation! And while you're at it, plan your own party and YOU make the invitations! 💌 

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On The Everything Page you'll find everything you need to build visibility, credibility and influence through engaging presentations that move your participants into action: freebies, low-cost products and courses, and 1:1 coaching!

Who decides what's "inappropriate?"

She complained that I said "pee."

Once upon a time, an audience member e-mailed me to say that my language was inappropriate and to demand that I send an apology to the audience of 22 women.

(For context, I was explaining that your attendees need breaks during a long workshop or presentation or they'll be resentful when they have to get up to pee and miss some of your content.)

Also, I didn't say "resentful." I said "pissed off." She was offended by that, too.

If I had known the Ministry of Ladylike and Appropriate Language was going to be at my presentation, I would've...

…still said "pee."

I reviewed the evaluations and had a conversation with the president of the organization, one of my 1:1 clients. I had thoroughly researched the group when I accepted the engagement.

She and I concluded that this was the opinion of one person and not of the entire group. My client wasn't offended and apparently, neither was anyone else.

But it did bring up questions. How exactly can you KNOW what's going to offend someone? WHO decides what's "inappropriate?"

She was offended, but was I offensive?

Ideally, some words, attitudes and behaviors would always be considered universally inappropriate (think hate speech or the most vulgar curse words). And it would be easy to know what would offend people.

But we know for a fact that many people are not in agreement over what even constitutes sexist, racist, ableist, ageist, homophobic or transphobic language.

When I shared with my speaker friends that I had never had a complaint about offending someone, one of my colleagues said,

"You pressed the button...but she already had it installed."

Each of us presents on different topics.

Each of us has a unique personality and way of expressing ourselves.

Each audience is different and full of individuals.

The reactions we hope for vary from topic to topic, from attendee to attendee, from speaker to speaker.

Sometimes we're surprised when the reaction we get isn't the reaction we expected!

P.S. If you think my language was inappropriate, there's no need to share your feedback. I processed this incident years ago.

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They're never going to be ready for you

Nobody is ever ready for the people who are going to make the biggest impact.

Nobody is ever ready for the outspoken thought leaders with the nontraditional ideas and the bold presence.

They may be craving EXACTLY what you have to offer, but they don't know it yet.

That's the whole point of standing out as a changemaker.

My friend Precious Williams posted the other day "Remember when we all wanted to look, sound, and act successful and polished? Remember when we felt we had to fit in to be successful?" And she asked "Are they ready for the next version of you?"

My reply was "They're never ready, but I'm here anyway."🤷🏻

I'm guessing no one is ready for what they're going to experience when cutting-edge peeps like Joanne Lockwood, Dr. Tina Opie, Madison Butler, Pegine Echevarria and Precious walk into a room.

If they're ready for you, it's too late. You're already one of the crowd.

If they're ready for you, you're already blending in. You're already "safe."

So to me, the question is really "Are you ready for them NOT to be ready for YOU?"

Put yourself out there anyway. You're forging a path and paving the way for others to come behind you.

Someone has to be in front.

It's you.

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On The Everything Page you'll find everything you need to build visibility, credibility and influence through engaging presentations that move your participants into action: freebies, low-cost products and courses, and 1:1 coaching!

Following my calling

A colleague of mine told me I left her hanging when I stopped posting my #ThisIsWhatProfessionalLooksLike campaign. She said that I had been on 🔥🔥🔥 and then everything stopped.

And she's right. The truth is, I felt uncertain about what to do next, where to go next. I got stuck. I froze. I dropped off. I felt like I needed a plan or a direction and because I don't, I got cold feet and quit posting.

I feel so CALLED to share my personal vision of inclusivity - that whatever your ethnic, religious or educational background, your age, weight, size, gender identity, race, appearance, mental health status, hair color or style, skin color or skin decoration, choice of personal self-expression, ability or disability, or sexual orientation, that 👉🏼👉🏾👉🏻👉🏿👉YOU 🔴🟠🟡🟢🔵🟣 are [what a professional looks like.]

My friend reminded me that I don't have to know what comes next. I don't have to control the outcome. I just have to keep showing up, spreading the word and #SpeakingUpForChange.

But I need your help, peeps.

I can represent myself: the middle-aged white, cisgender straight woman with pink hair, giant earrings, bright multi-patterned outfits, no makeup (okay, in this pic I was FULLY made up for my course filming with Madecraft!), flat shoes, bare arms, big mouth and bold opinions.

But I can't represent ALL the people who are diminished, overlooked and outright discriminated against because they don't fit a particular "socially-acceptable" norm.

I need voices to amplify, and I need fellow warriors!

This is where all of you can help spread the word that THIS IS WHAT PROFESSIONAL LOOKS LIKE!

I need the pink- and purple-haired warriors, the tattooed warriors, the trans warriors, the disability warriors, the nonbinary warriors, the nonconforming-and-self-expressed-in-other-ways warriors, everyone who's out there keepin' it real, and so many more of you I can't even tag here.

🏆Pro tip: You don't have to be a diversity and inclusion specialist to speak up for inclusion!

🏆You don't need to be a mental health expert to share your experiences.

🏆You don't have to be an expert on anything to speak your truth about what it means to be marginalized as a professional and to inspire others (who are still hiding) by your visibility.

So I need to unfreeze, unblock and unstick myself. Get back to work amplifying the professionals who inspire me with their willingness to show up in their fully human form. And keep showing up in mine.

Because if there's one group I can relate to almost more than any other, it's the UNPROFESSIONAL PROFESSIONAL! 😉

Join us on LinkedIn and don't forget the hashtag... #ThisIsWhatProfessionalLooksLike

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On The Everything Page you'll find everything you need to build visibility, credibility and influence through engaging presentations that move your participants into action: freebies, low-cost products and courses, and 1:1 coaching!

Why is it okay to not know some things, but not okay to not know other things? 🤔

It never occurred to me until about 10 days ago that I could put a shower cap on and keep my hairdo for an extra day!

Is anyone going to think I'm an idiot for not having thought of this before? And if they do, do I really care? I don't know everything. 🤷🏻

So now let me ask you this... Why are you embarrassed to admit you don't know everything about public speaking and presentations?

SOOOO many people are embarrassed about asking for help on things they aren't experts in. Guess what: you can't be an expert on everything!

You're an expert in some areas, and it's your job to know about those areas.

But you don't have to know everything about accounting, marketing, sales, coaching, speaking, or other things that are outside your area of expertise, right?

If you take your car to a repair shop, are you embarrassed that you don't know how to repair your car? If you have somebody do alterations to a pair of pants, are you embarrassed that you don't know how to sew?

I actually have clients who don't want their names on my website, even though they'll give me testimonials. Because they don't want anyone to know they went to a speaking coach.

Look, I just figured out that a shower cap is my new best friend. I'm 56 years old and I never thought of using a shower cap. Big fucking deal!

Do you need help with your speaking? There's nothing to be embarrassed about! I study this every day. It's my life's work. It's not yours. It's perfectly okay not to know stuff.

So how about reaching out and getting some support?

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On The Everything Page you'll find everything you need to build visibility, credibility and influence through engaging presentations that move your participants into action: freebies, low-cost products and courses, and 1:1 coaching!

You are not the distraction

Let's talk about real distractions:

❌ Wordy and poorly designed slides
❌ Jangling change in your pocket
❌ Constant fiddling with hair and jewelry
❌ A monotonous or grating voice
❌ Overused crutch words and fillers
❌ Uncontrolled movement and pacing

What is not a distraction is you bringing your whole self to the presentation.

We've been told that we shouldn't "distract" with our appearance. That it takes away from the message.

But you are not separate from your message. You and your message are intertwined. You bring your message to life.

A personality void on stage is not what audiences want.

Audiences want a fully-formed human to connect with. They want an authentic relationship with you.

✅ Got tattoos?
✅ Purple hair?
✅ Giant earrings?
✅ A natural afro puff?
✅ Facial hair?
✅ A lisp?
✅ An accent?
✅ A disability?

Don't hide. Don't do the audience (and yourself) the disservice of incongruence. 

Who you are, what you believe, what you say, what you do, how you look: It's all YOU.

Bring it.

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On The Everything Page you'll find everything you need to build visibility, credibility and influence through engaging presentations that move your participants into action: freebies, low-cost products and courses, and 1:1 coaching!

Three options for when you have to speak after "that guy"

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On The Everything Page you'll find everything you need to build visibility, credibility and influence through engaging presentations that move your participants into action: freebies, low-cost products and courses, and 1:1 coaching!

It's okay to be "unprofessional"

"Emotion in business is unprofessional."
"Black women's natural hair is unprofessional."
"Tattoos are unprofessional."
"Facial hair is unprofessional."
"Poor grammar/spelling is unprofessional."

And for speakers (I've actually heard these):

"Flat shoes are unprofessional."
"Curly hair is unprofessional."
"Showing bare arms is unprofessional."
"Not wearing makeup is unprofessional."
"Saying 'um' is unprofessional."
"Sitting down while presenting is unprofessional."

Oftentimes, we're told our appearance is unprofessional if we don't meet gender norms or dominant cultural norms.

Other times, not living up to certain educational or other social norms peg us as "unprofessional."

There are definitely things I would call out as unprofessional in business:

👎🏼 Lack of respect for colleagues or customers
👎🏼 Consistently showing up late
👎🏼 Being unresponsive to emails or phone calls
👎🏼 Taking credit for others' work
👎🏼 Lying

But I will fight you over the lists above. 🥊 (If you want to argue with me about spelling and grammar, Google "literacy privilege.")

And I will keep serving my clients with alternating pink and gray hair, five-inch long earrings, visible tattoo, and flat shoes.

Because these things have nothing to do with how well I do my job and everything to do with me being a fulfilled, aligned, and happy human being.

As Madison Butler 🏳️‍🌈🦄 (one of my favorite DEI advocates on LinkedIn) says: "I'm not for everyone." 😉

What have you heard is "unprofessional" in business that you disagree with? Let me know in the comments!

(You can also comment on or like the original LinkedIn post here. It's currently at 404 reactions, 131 comments, 20+ shares, and 14,866 views in the feed.)

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On The Everything Page you'll find everything you need to build visibility, credibility and influence through engaging presentations that move your participants into action: freebies, low-cost products and courses, and 1:1 coaching!

You will be judged

I haven't been completely honest with you.

I've been posting a lot lately about body positivity and age positivity because so many women hold themselves back from getting in front of an audience because of shame or embarrassment about their bodies and their appearance.

I've been telling you that you have to get out there anyway. And I stand by what I've said! But I've omitted something.

You may be lucky enough not to have any trolls or haters, but the truth is, others will judge you. This is really what lies at the root of avoiding public speaking. Avoiding judgment.

Whether your concern is losing your place, boring the audience, getting tongue-tied, or being unable to answer questions, these all come down to a fear of being judged.

Judged inadequate. Judged incompetent. Judged insufficient. Rejected.

And as much as I remind my clients that audiences want you to succeed, there is a legit reality here:

We're judging and critiquing people all the time.

We walk down the street noting what people are wearing, what they're saying, what they're holding, what they're doing. We notice, we filter, and then we move on.

We do this to determine lots of things, but mostly: Is this person like me? How much is this person LIKE me or DIFFERENT from me?

We're always subconsciously trying to figure out our relationship to others. Should I smile? Should I be threatened? Is he trustworthy? Does she want something from me? Can I connect with him?

We're social animals. Pack animals. Herd animals. We rely on the herd for our survival, so in a sense, we're like any suspicious and wary animal. Yes, we are like dogs sniffing butts.

So you ARE being judged. But not in the way you think. The audience is trying to determine their relationship with you. Can they trust you? Will you listen to them and understand where they're coming from? Is this relationship worth their time and money?

Your job on stage is to connect, relate, serve and deliver.

You don't have to be LIKE your audience to do so. but you do have to honor what the audience needs, wants, and cares about. Your words have to be consistent and aligned with your actions and emotions. You have to be sincere, authentic, and focused on serving the audience.

If you make a mistake, this doesn't damage your relationship with the audience. They won't judge you for forgetting what you were saying or having an equipment snafu. It's not the technicalities that interfere with your relationship.

What DOES damage your relationship with the audience is lack of connection, lack of understanding of who they are and what they want, not putting in the time to provide an excellent experience, and overly anxious concern for your own well-being.

When you get past that, nothing can scare you anymore.

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On The Everything Page you'll find everything you need to build visibility, credibility and influence through engaging presentations that move your participants into action: freebies, low-cost products and courses, and 1:1 coaching!

Stop hiding [part 3]

Remember last year, when no one could get their hair cut or colored professionally? There was a huge panic among women...especially around those silver roots😱👩🏼‍🦳.

Remember what happened? Thousands, maybe millions, of women went natural! The Instagram #SilverSisters hashtag BLEW UP, as well as #GrayHairDontCare and #SilverHairDontCare.

Some of my speaker friends thought they would never get another gig if they went silver... but we now see that, while the pandemic definitely made it hard to get work, it was never about the hair.⠀⠀⠀

Other speaker friends freaked out about having headshots that were different from their real hair... so they went to Fiverr and got their headshots doctored to show the new silver hairdos!

One friend mentioned she was ordering purple hair color because "It's not like I'm going to be doing any speaking any time soon!"

I replied "Why not? The world has gone virtual, and so can you!"

Her answer "Maybe after I do the purple—right now I look like Cruella de Ville and I think I would scare small children!" (Which would be a problem if small children attended her presentations.)

Look: If we can't be human and authentic right now, in this time and place, when we've all been forced to peel back the layers of our souls, when can we?

You have ALL the tools you need. People still need your expertise, your brilliance, your unique perspective and voice.

Your hair (your body, your appearance, your age) is not the problem.⠀⠀

👂🏼What's holding you back is between your ears.👂🏼

Let's get back out there and keep on #SpeakingUpForChange!

Reach out for a free consultation: I can help you get your message out to the world!

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On The Everything Page you'll find everything you need to build visibility, credibility and influence through engaging presentations that move your participants into action: freebies, low-cost products and courses, and 1:1 coaching!

Stop hiding [part 2]

"Forgive the no-makeup face!"

"Please don’t judge the 'fresh face.'"

"Ignore the no-makeup morning face."

"Forgive the 'I work from home' messy bun and lack of makeup."

Have you apologized for your appearance on social media?

This is a picture I deleted the other day instead of posting. I didn't love how the lighting brought out my rosacea and my blemishes, so took a couple more that were more flattering.

I see multiple women EVERY DAY apologizing for looking like themselves, for showing their real faces. I see even more women who won't even post a picture without makeup or a heavy filter.⠀

You are not your appearance. You are SO MUCH MORE THAN WHAT YOU LOOK LIKE!

Check out all those red marks on my face, my wrinkles, my not-plucked eyebrows, my blotchy chest, my chin scar and spider veins from having my chin bashed in in a car accident.

Are you judging me? Do you dislike me? Are you embarrassed or sad for me? If so, buh-bye. I don't need you here. But if you're thinking, "Of course I'm not judging you for looking like a 56-year-old woman who's had a LIFE," then I would like you to apply that to yourself!

As I said in my previous post, I talk to so many women who are afraid of being judged on their appearance, who are hiding, avoiding speaking, avoiding shooting video, avoiding being seen.⠀⠀⠀⠀

And I will say it again: The world still needs to see you, hear your message, learn from you. You have SO MUCH TO GIVE. And we really don't care how you look while you're giving it!

And people who DO care? F#ck 'em.

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On The Everything Page you'll find everything you need to build visibility, credibility and influence through engaging presentations that move your participants into action: freebies, low-cost products and courses, and 1:1 coaching!

Stop hiding [part 1]

I consider this to be a horribly unflattering picture of me. Not only is my hair thinning, I have a couple of bald spots that happened spontaneously a couple of years ago that never grew back.

I don't like how my aging body looks a lot of the time. I have a weird hump that's probably from years of bad posture and leaning into a computer screen. I've lost my confident stride since I broke my leg and foot last year, hobbling around like a little old lady.

But guess what: THIS IS HOW I LOOK. When I go out into the world to get my mail, to see friends, to go grocery shopping... this is how I look. Do I stay home all the time so no one will see me? Of course not! This is how I look in the world.

I've heard from SO many women that they don't want to speak in front of an audience, or even shoot video, until they lose weight. Or they don't want to be seen because they have crooked teeth or some other perceived flaw. 

But guess what: THIS IS HOW THE WORLD SEES YOU. Unless you hide in your house 24/7, people have seen you, at your current weight, with your crooked teeth, or thinning hair, or accent, or whatever else you think is "wrong" with you.

It doesn't matter what you look like. The world still needs to see you, hear your message, learn from you. You have so much to give. Get in front of the 🗣👩‍👩‍👧‍👧audience. Shoot the 📱🤳🏼video.

Need some support? Let's talk! I will gently push you out of your comfort zone!

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On The Everything Page you'll find everything you need to build visibility, credibility and influence through engaging presentations that move your participants into action: freebies, low-cost products and courses, and 1:1 coaching!

They don't even notice

Do you see my tattoo? Most people don't.

My first two tattoos were on my back, and after listening to me whine about wanting another one for, um, several years, my husband gave me a gift certificate to a tattoo artist for our 14th anniversary (now 18 years ago). 😂

Putting a tattoo on my wrist felt SUPER RISKY at the time. Unless I want to wear long sleeves (which I hate), it's going to be visible ALL THE TIME. At the time, I wore a watch on that wrist and I thought "Well, the tattoo will peek out from under the watch occasionally. That'll be cute." But during the period of healing, I had to stop wearing the watch. And I never put it back on.

Now here's the funny thing. It felt SO RISKY to have a visible tattoo, and yet NOBODY NOTICED.

I've had friends and colleagues ask me when I got the tattoo, because they've never seen it. At a quick glance, it just appears to be a bracelet. It is literally hiding in plain sight. 

See, I didn't realize that everyone is so busy worrying about their own shit, they don't notice other people's shit. (Not that my tattoo is shit, mind you!)

We're often afraid to put ourselves out into the world because we think people are going to notice all the things we want to hide. So many women I work with don't want to be seen on camera because their roots are showing or their teeth are crooked or they've got speech impediment or they need to lose 10 pounds.

People literally DO NOT NOTICE!

I'll acknowledge that there are haters and there are trolls. Those are sad little meanies who actually DO look for the stuff that's not "perfect." But we don't care about trolls, right? They've got their OWN shit.

Get visible. Share your message. I'm here for you!

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On The Everything Page you'll find everything you need to build visibility, credibility and influence through engaging presentations that move your participants into action: freebies, low-cost products and courses, and 1:1 coaching!

Ya gotta own it

It all started with a Gmail address.

I received an email from a woman who asked me if I was interested in a learning platform for my clients, and requested a conversation. She referred to "we" in her email, yet didn't mention a company or partners. And her email came from a Gmail address.

I was underwhelmed. Who is this "we" you speak of, and why don't you have a professional email address? The email was also a little generic, referring to how I "empower confidence." Hmmm. I get so many of these. I ignored the email.

A week later, the woman reached out again. Realizing that she was a real person and not a spammer, I replied, asking her for more information about her company before scheduling a call. Her reply explained a little bit more: "This would be more of a learning call from your years of expertise to shape what we build - we don't have anything to sell." Aha.

I booked a time on their calendar to learn more about the platform they were building. Still in the dark, but a little more intrigued.

Imagine my surprise and delight when I discovered these two women each have more than a decade of high-level experience in their respective fields, software engineering and marketing, are highly knowledgeable and well-studied on what they're offering, and are women of color in a traditionally male industry.

We had a great conversation. I'm hoping to support their product as they develop it, and I did give them this feedback: Ladies, you've gotta OWN IT.

Perhaps because they weren't pitching me for funding, they didn't feel the need to establish their credibility. Or maybe, as newish entrepreneurs, they're experiencing some insecurity about what they bring to the table. It's possible they're not used to "tooting their own horn."

Whatever the reason, they initially came across as lacking professionalism and credibility, when in fact they're very professional and extremely credible.

I'm directing this to the women in my community, as we are all WELL aware of the difficulties women have around self-promotion. But perhaps some men need to hear this, too.

🥳If you don't toot your own horn, no one else will.

🎓If you don't believe in your own authority, expertise and credibility, no one else will.

💎If you don't promote the value you bring to the table, no one else will.

So ladies (and gentlemen): Ya gotta own it. And ya gotta share it. In your communications, in your marketing, in your branding. And yes, in your email address!

Who's with me? Ready to own your power... in your presentations? Schedule a call and let's get started!

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On The Everything Page you'll find everything you need to build visibility, credibility and influence through engaging presentations that move your participants into action: freebies, low-cost products and courses, and 1:1 coaching!

Embrace imperfect action

"It's always easier to just say no. It's always easier to say 'We can't do it.' 

Because when you say 'We will try to do it,' now you're changing things, and whenever you change, there's opposition. Every time. 

So it's always easier just to stay status quo. It's always easier not to risk, not to try to raise the bar. Because maybe you can't do it, maybe there will be problems. So it's easier just to say no, it's easier to say 'This is all we can do. It's impossible.' 

That's not what the mayor is doing here. The mayor is stepping up and he's stepping up in a big way."

~ New York Governor Andrew Cuomo

California's governor, Gavin Newsom, was the first to issue stay at home orders when the numbers of positive COVID-19 tests began to rise. Newsom also has partnered with the Federal Emergency Management Agency to launch a one-of-a-kind program that will use local restaurants to prepare and deliver free food for eligible seniors.

Not everyone is happy with Newsom's decisions, like today's decision to shut down state and local beaches in Orange County because of large crowds over the past weekend and high numbers of coronavirus cases and hospitalizations.

But Newsom is not trying to please everyone. He's taking actions, backed by research, that he believes to be the best actions for Californians. Regarding the beaches, he said, "I hope it’s just a very short-term adjustment."

California and other states are modeling—on a daily basis—what imperfect action looks like, in the face of a challenge none of our leaders has experienced before.

As Governor Cuomo said in his address on April 30 (quoted above), "It's always easier not to risk, not to try to raise the bar." He points out that there will be opposition, and that it's easier to do nothing than to possibly create more problems.

What would you rather see in your leaders?

Would you rather have a leader that sits back out of fear of criticism, fear of making mistakes, or fear of not getting reelected?

Or would you rather have a leader who tests solutions to the best of their ability, gathering as much data as possible in order to make informed decisions, and then fixes mistakes as they go along?

Our leaders are under tremendous strain and pressure right now, and I would not want to be in any of their shoes.

The best leaders are striving to serve. They're not focusing on fears of failure, they're focusing on getting the needs of their people met, however they can.

Every leader has a choice right now: Take no action, or take imperfect action. That's it.

Which leader are you? Striving for perfection, focusing on your own potential failures, or striving to serve your people?

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I'd love to help you take imperfect action on your next presentation! If you struggle with inaction due to perfectionist tendencies, always waiting to get ready... to get ready... take a look at my 8 Steps to Ditching Perfection and Creating Connection workshop, coming up on May 7!

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On The Everything Page you'll find everything you need to build visibility, credibility and influence through engaging presentations that move your participants into action: freebies, low-cost products and courses, and 1:1 coaching!