DMV Part 2: Empathy goes a long way

I needed to get a question answered by the DMV and was dreading the phone call, predicting that the person would be curt, “by the book,” or just unhelpful.

I was SO mistaken.

The lovely man I spoke to didn't have an easy answer for me, so he went off the line to speak to his supervisor. He came back and they had discussed and come to a conclusion that was thoughtful, understanding and reasonable.

And then we chatted for a bit about my volunteer work at the Twice-Sold Tales library bookstore in Ojai (where I was when I took the callback) and how people don’t seem to read books as much as they used to. He asked if there was just one, and I laughed. We're a tiny town with three tiny libraries and one tiny used bookstore that supports them all. I invited him to come visit if he's ever in Ojai!

Once again I was caught off guard by my own perceptions of what to expect from the DMV (see part 1 here).

And I was reminded just how far a little empathy can go when having potentially uncomfortable conversations, especially when you know the person is anxious or apprehensive about speaking to you.

I can lack empathy at times. I can be pretty judgy. So these little reminders are so helpful for me!

Don't forget to apply empathy during your presentations. Putting yourself in your attendees' shoes, when discussing a difficult topic will make a huge difference in how they retain and apply your message!

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Are you an entrepreneur or professional who's looking for better results from your speaking? Are you hoping to build credibility and visibility for your business or cause? Tired of just "getting by" and ready to deliver truly engaging and powerful presentations? Click here to learn about 1:1 coaching with me!

Are you anticipating perceptions?

My experience at the DMV yesterday was very different from the "olden days." 

Even though my transaction was a bit complicated and I had several several wait times in between staff interactions, it was miles away from what I used to experience.

The greeter/expediter was super helpful and got me off on the right foot. 

The people were delightful, many wearing Christmas hats (it was Christmas hat day, to be followed by Christmas sweaters and whatnot). 

One of them shared her fascination with an Orthodox Jewish woman's IG account that I'm now following!

I had lovely conversations with everyone I encountered, and the fact that I was able to make an appointment online and fill out some paperwork using a simple touchscreen made it even smoother.

But what's the PERCEPTION of the DMV? Surly employees, long wait times, and a generally miserable experience.

When you give a presentation (whether it's at a formal meeting or via your Instagram reels), are you 👉🏼👉🏼anticipating perceptions?👈🏼👈🏼

I often teach about anticipating objections as a presenter: being prepared for the things that people will disagree with or challenge you on.

But anticipating perception is different: It means being prepared to address general perceptions of you, your work or your organization - and to correct them!

One organization I met with recently said "Everyone thinks we only work with homeless people. But we have all these other services!"

An employee of a library I'm working with said, "People automatically equate libraries to reading/education/school, which they have a negative opinion of."

❓❓How are perceptions of you, your work and your organization keeping potential clients away, or keeping people from seeking your services?

Whether you're posting on socials or speaking at a conference, always be prepared to address perceptions:

🔸"You may have heard XYZ..."

🔸"You might be surprised to know XYZ..."

🔸"If you've always thought XYZ, let me blow your mind..."

If people are stuck on old perceptions of you (or holding onto objections in their 🧠), they're not fully open to what you have to say. They've already made up their minds about you.

🌟🌟What perceptions do people have about your work or your company that you need to dispel so you can serve all the people you're meant to serve? 

☎️📧Reach out if you need help with this in your presentations!

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Are you an entrepreneur or professional who's looking for better results from your speaking? Are you hoping to build credibility and visibility for your business or cause? Tired of just "getting by" and ready to deliver truly engaging and powerful presentations? Click here to learn about 1:1 coaching with me!

Monitor the chat... or don't use it

I was in a workshop on cybersecurity while attendees flooded the chat with links to random "cybersecurity" products.

Oh, the irony.🙄

It was literally impossible to determine if any of these links were safe (I certainly was not going to click one to find out), and yet, the hosts of the workshop were not paying any attention...

👇🏼

…even as they were explaining safety measures for our businesses, including avoiding malware.

On top of that, there were SO MANY comments and questions in the chat, it was difficult to identify and reply to the legitimate posts.😵‍💫

So I gave up and hoped for a recording.

🙏🏼🙏🏽🙏🏾Peeps, if you're hosting a remote training on Zoom, please have someone monitor your chat. You don't have to spend money on a professional producer; a friend or colleague who's familiar with Zoom will be fine.

If you can't, and especially if you expect a lot of attendees, then ❌DON'T❌ USE❌CHAT.

Set up your training as a webinar instead of a meeting and use the Q&A feature instead.

It's frustrating and off-putting for your audience to be spammed during your presentation and for you to do nothing about it!

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Are you an entrepreneur or professional who's looking for better results from your speaking? Are you hoping to build credibility and visibility for your business or cause? Tired of just "getting by" and ready to deliver truly engaging and powerful presentations? Click here to learn about 1:1 coaching with me!

Don't wait for things to happen. Make things happen.

I read a post recently that said "It makes me sad that nobody invites me on podcasts, I have so much value to offer."

Sometimes it feels like you're at the world's mercy. Like everyone is invited to the party except you. 😭

But you do have control over at least one thing: your own actions.

When I'm not getting speaking inquiries or my previous clients don't need me at the moment, I have actions I can always take.

1️⃣ I make offers. I tell people what I do and invite them to find out more. This can be in the form of social media marketing where I post links and calls to action, or it can be in the form of reaching out to people who've inquired in the past and letting them know that I have a program that might be a good fit for them.

2️⃣ I research and apply for speaking engagements. There are a LOT of conferences and podcasts out there and most of them have some sort of application process. You can Google ""speaker rfp" or "speaker request for proposals" and find many many options. You can also Google "podcast guest application." (My Speaker Proposal Hacks Pack can help once you find the ones you want to apply for!)

3️⃣ I create my own programs and products. You don't have to develop a whole podcast or a whole conference. Record videos or audio sharing value and expertise and put them out to the world for free, or create your own products that people can buy.

My business is a mix of corporate training, conference speaking, 1:1 coaching and self-paced DIY programs. I never put all my eggs in one basket and I don't sit around waiting for someone else to invite me to their thing.

I'm not saying it's easy. And I'm not saying that putting myself out there creates instant business. I feel sorry for myself sometimes; it's human nature!

Entrepreneurship is a long game. Know that when opportunities "fall into your lap" it's often from the relationships you've created over time.

Just last week I received three training inquiries:

👉🏼One from a previous training client

👉🏼One from someone who's followed my work for a long time and has found a possible speaking slot for me

👉🏼And one from someone I spoke to months ago and now has an opportunity I might be a good fit for.

I also received three coaching inquiries:

👉🏼One from a previous client who has a new speaking engagement that she needs help with

👉🏼One from someone I've been connected with for years who just now needs my help

👉🏼And one from someone I don't know who found me on Google.

There are factors at play like fees, budgets, topic fit and timing that mean maybe not all of these will work out.

But it demonstrates that taking action—playing the long game, building relationships and making yourself visible—does work. If not immediately, then eventually!

Next time you're sad that you haven't been invited to the party, go ahead and find another party and ask for an invitation! And while you're at it, plan your own party and YOU make the invitations! 💌 

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Are you an entrepreneur or professional who's looking for better results from your speaking? Are you hoping to build credibility and visibility for your business or cause? Tired of just "getting by" and ready to deliver truly engaging and powerful presentations? Click here to learn about 1:1 coaching with me!

Do not assume your message makes sense

Do 🚫NOT🚫 assume that your message makes sense.

This fundraising email I received makes a couple of assumptions:

1️⃣ I know what GOTV and EOQ mean. And no, these acronyms were not explained elsewhere in the email.

2️⃣ I've read previous emails which might clarify these acronyms, so it's not necessary to do it this time.

I cannot emphasize enough that it is ALWAYS your responsibility—as a communicator, writer, marketer, content creator or presenter—to make your message as clear and simple as possible for your audience. Every time.

If they don't get it, it's not their fault.

👉🏼Reminder: Adults have big fragile egos.

People often won't raise their hand in your presentation to ask you to explain something, because they don't want to look foolish.

As unfortunate as that is, YOU (the communicator) must understand that if you don't make things clear, and your audience doesn't ask (or Google), you've lost them.

Funny story: A friend of mine contacted me a few years ago, perplexed about an email she had received from her local Toastmasters club. She'd been thinking of joining and had contacted a club with questions.

"...I wrote to them asking what the requirements are, and the guy wrote back that it's open to Toastmasters who've earned a CC. Really helpful. Not. What's a CC? Does it mean anything to you?"

When I explained the acronym, she wrote back:

"How 'competent' is a 'communicator' who answers a query from an interested newbie with an abbreviation that means nothing to them (me) without explaining it in English?"

How competent, indeed?

I'm picking on NAACP and Toastmasters here, but everyone is doing this (ESPECIALLY nonprofits), assuming your audience understands your words, acronyms, jargon and lingo.

They don't.

And they feel stupid asking.

So just👏🏼keep👏🏼it👏🏼simple👏🏼.

(Also... acronyms, jargon and lingo are BORING. 🤷🏻)

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Are you an entrepreneur or professional who's looking for better results from your speaking? Are you hoping to build credibility and visibility for your business or cause? Tired of just "getting by" and ready to deliver truly engaging and powerful presentations? Click here to learn about 1:1 coaching with me!

One perfect lime

One perfect lime. The only lime our tree produced all year.

To be fair, it's a dwarf lime tree in a pot. So we don't expect dozens of limes.

We might feel disappointed about "only one lime." But on the other hand, this lime made last night's dinner absolutely perfect.

I doubt our little lime tree was disappointed in its efforts. Look what it made! This lime sat patiently on the tree, waiting for its moment to shine. And shine it did!

As a self-proclaimed "chillpreneur," I sometimes get down on myself for not doing more. Not being more. Not shining more.

I like to take things slow and easy. I'm not about the hustle. I'm about creating a lifestyle that keeps me healthy, happy and sane.

But to a client, I might be the "one perfect lime" that comes along at just the right time: doing, being and shining exactly as much as someone needs me to.

Last night's dinner was vegan fish taco bowls with Good Catch
plant-based fish sticks. 

The lime appeared as both juice and zest, in cilantro lime rice and chipotle mayo, and squeezed over the separate elements of the dish, the radishes, arugula microgreens, cilantro, and avocado.

The meal was delicious and the lime was the star! 🌟

Right lime, right place, right time. What more could I ask for?

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Are you an entrepreneur or professional who's looking for better results from your speaking? Are you hoping to build credibility and visibility for your business or cause? Tired of just "getting by" and ready to deliver truly engaging and powerful presentations? Click here to learn about 1:1 coaching with me!

Who decides what's "inappropriate?"

She complained that I said "pee."

Once upon a time, an audience member e-mailed me to say that my language was inappropriate and to demand that I send an apology to the audience of 22 women.

(For context, I was explaining that your attendees need breaks during a long workshop or presentation or they'll be resentful when they have to get up to pee and miss some of your content.)

Also, I didn't say "resentful." I said "pissed off." She was offended by that, too.

If I had known the Ministry of Ladylike and Appropriate Language was going to be at my presentation, I would've...

…still said "pee."

I reviewed the evaluations and had a conversation with the president of the organization, one of my 1:1 clients. I had thoroughly researched the group when I accepted the engagement.

She and I concluded that this was the opinion of one person and not of the entire group. My client wasn't offended and apparently, neither was anyone else.

But it did bring up questions. How exactly can you KNOW what's going to offend someone? WHO decides what's "inappropriate?"

She was offended, but was I offensive?

Ideally, some words, attitudes and behaviors would always be considered universally inappropriate (think hate speech or the most vulgar curse words). And it would be easy to know what would offend people.

But we know for a fact that many people are not in agreement over what even constitutes sexist, racist, ableist, ageist, homophobic or transphobic language.

When I shared with my speaker friends that I had never had a complaint about offending someone, one of my colleagues said,

"You pressed the button...but she already had it installed."

Each of us presents on different topics.

Each of us has a unique personality and way of expressing ourselves.

Each audience is different and full of individuals.

The reactions we hope for vary from topic to topic, from attendee to attendee, from speaker to speaker.

Sometimes we're surprised when the reaction we get isn't the reaction we expected!

P.S. If you think my language was inappropriate, there's no need to share your feedback. I processed this incident years ago.

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Are you an entrepreneur or professional who's looking for better results from your speaking? Are you hoping to build credibility and visibility for your business or cause? Tired of just "getting by" and ready to deliver truly engaging and powerful presentations? Click here to learn about 1:1 coaching with me!