Your BS will come back to bite you

There are a million ways people lie every day. In this article, The 7 Most Common Lies Customers Tell, Mike Michalowicz talks about why and how our prospects, clients and customers lie to us.

It's not usually malicious, but more often due to wanting to spare feelings or not fully understanding their own needs or situation. I'm pretty sure I've been lied to by prospects, although in reality, they probably weren't lying, but their circumstances changed.

If lying sounds harsh, let's call it "bending the truth." I know I've told someone I would consider their services at a later date when I knew I wouldn't. Because it wasn't comfortable for me to flat-out say I didn't want to work with them. Even saying "I don't think we're a good fit," is often bending the truth in these kinds of situations.

So if we know that prospects and clients lie to us, and we know that we are sometimes the client or the prospect, how about this: Are you lying to your audiences? On the one hand, we agree that people often lie to soften the blow or spare feelings. But how about the flip side of that? We lie to make ourselves look better.

** Do you make up answers that sound good during Q&A because you're uncomfortable saying "I don't know?"

** Do you drop names of well-known people with whom you have only a passing relationship?

** Do you sometimes pass off your opinions as facts because you've never actually delved into the topic enough to know what's true and what's false?

** Do you fudge information about the size or success of your business because you're afraid of being found lacking?

** Do you inflate your importance in a particular industry or group in order to impress people?

Let's just get it out there: We all want to impress people.

No matter how much we say we don't care what people think, we want to be liked, we want to be chosen, we want to be hired, we want to be recommended, we want to be recognized, we want to get fans and followers, and we want to be on top of the world -- our world -- whatever that means to each of us.

There's nothing wrong with this; in fact, it means you're human. We're social animals (some might even say pack animals), are we not? The majority of us are not hermits, shunning society, but rather spend much of our time in social groups. We are part of many groups: our family group, our friends group, our religious or spiritual group, our cultural group, our work or industry group, our age and demographic group, our gender group... and so on.

The question is this: When does lying become egregious? When does lying become obvious? When does lying ruin your credibility?

If your audience can pull out their smart phones and Google what you're telling them, then you don't have much recourse. Maybe your audience doesn't realize in the moment that you're BS-ing them, but they will figure it out at some point. Someone will contradict your facts at a later date, and you will lose your status post-presentation.

There are different degrees of truth and lies, fact and myth. We don't always tell everyone everything. "White lies" are frequently required in the context of social lubrication. And we don't always show people the dark, down, and disappointing sides of ourselves. Why should we?

But we do get into the danger zone when our BS is easily verified. And these days, easily verified also means easily reported and easily spread.

If you make a mistake, that's one thing. If you are consciously lying, and there's no good reason for it except to elevate yourself, please rethink your strategy. Your BS will come back to bite you.

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On The Everything Page you'll find everything you need to build visibility, credibility and influence through engaging presentations that move your participants into action: freebies, low-cost products and courses, and 1:1 coaching!

Public speaking, your workout, and your calendar. What?

What do working out and your calendar have to do with improving your public speaking? Watch this short video and find out!



Check out my YouTube channel here!

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On The Everything Page you'll find everything you need to build visibility, credibility and influence through engaging presentations that move your participants into action: freebies, low-cost products and courses, and 1:1 coaching!

I'm my own worst audience member

I went out of town to attend a two-day workshop over the weekend. There were a few snags along the way. During the six-hour drive I realized I had forgotten to pack underwear, so there was a side trip to an outlet mall (thank you, Calvin Klein, for the $15 coupon I was carrying in my purse).

Then I arrived and there were snags at check-in that took probably a half hour to resolve. And then I got to my room and realized I had forgotten to pack my phone charger. There were no current chargers in the hotel lost and found, so I had to resign myself to only being able to charge my phone in the car. Where I was not planning on spending a lot of time over the weekend.

If you know me even a little, you know my phone is my lifeline to Twitter, Facebook, e-mail, my husband, my friends and my life. How would I be able to go the whole weekend without being able to tell everybody everything I was doing? No photo uploads, no Twitter conversations. (Okay, I had my laptop in my room, but I had to wait until evening to access it.) Gah.

I arrived at the workshop flustered by the heat, distracted by my phone disability, and most of all, skeptical about the kind of training I would receive.

The workshop was free, meaning that there would be a pitch at some point (or, the nicer way to say it -- an "offer"). I wondered what percentage of pitch to content there would be, and I wondered if the content would be worth my drive, or if it was going to be a lot of fluff to fill the time in between pitches.

On the first day of the workshop, I sat with my arms crossed -- mentally. Mentally, I was scowling, thinking "Convince me that I should be here. Prove to me that this workshop is worth my time." It took me a good hour and a half to warm up to the speakers. The audience was full of rabid fans, which I found annoying, having never even heard of the speakers before a month ago.

And then I realized: I'm my own worst audience member.

Do you ever have those audience members who just look resistant? Maybe their arms really are crossed and maybe they really have a scowl on their faces. Of course, not everyone who looks like that is resistant -- see my post on that topic here. But some of them are, and that was me. And that is me.

Now, I'm not this way all the time. Sometimes I know the speaker and I expect to have a good time, based on previous experiences with this person. But I see so many speakers and attend so many presentations, webinars, teleseminars and so forth, that I've gotten skeptical. Because so many of them just want to sell, and they make no effort to connect with the audience. I've become "Hostage Harriet," except it's my choice to be in the room. Even if I'm not Hostage Harriet, I'm rarely "Passionate Paul."

How does understanding your own style as an audience member make you a better speaker?

As a speaker, I'm always aware that there are a lot of different kinds of people in the room, with a lot of preconceived notions, personal issues, distractions, knowledge, and different levels of interest and willingness to participate.

The more I can step into the shoes of my audience members, the better I can figure out how to reach them.

We all love the willing and participatory audience member. The one who sits, leaning forward, with eyes glowing, pen ready, and full attention on us. But this is a small percentage of the audience and we can't only speak to this person.

How are you like your worst and best audience members? How are you like the curious one, the resistant one, the distracted one, the hungry one, the shy one, the flighty one, the texting one, the hand-raising one and the sleepy one?

We've all been all of these audience members, or we will be someday. It's important to understand our own audience member behavior so we can relate to those in our own audiences.

And by the way, once I warmed up to the speakers and realized that they were warm, accessible, funny, authentic and delivering great content, I let down my guard. I participated, I listened and I learned. Mission accomplished!

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On The Everything Page you'll find everything you need to build visibility, credibility and influence through engaging presentations that move your participants into action: freebies, low-cost products and courses, and 1:1 coaching!

Are your shortcuts actually blocking communication?

A friend of mine contacted me the other day, perplexed about a message she had received from a representative of one of her local Toastmasters clubs. She's been thinking of joining a club and had been looking around on the Web for one near her.

The one she found had eligibility requirements not stated on the website, so she e-mailed them for more information. Here's what she said to me:

"...I wrote to them asking what [the requirements] are, and the guy wrote back that it's open to Toastmasters who've earned a CC. Really helpful. Not. What's a CC? Does it mean anything to you?"

I'm not a Toastmaster, but I do know what CC stands for, so I clued her in. If you don't know what it is either, here's a link.

Have you heard the saying, "If you have to ask how much it costs, then you can't afford it"? This was kind of like, "If you have to ask what CC means, then you're obviously not eligible." Not a great way to encourage newcomers to join the organization, even if it's not your particular club.

Her next message said this:

"So, how 'competent' is a 'communicator' who answers a query from an interested newbie with an abbreviation that means nothing to them (me) without explaining it in English? Talk about ironic, eh?"

Ironic indeed!

In all of our industries, we have jargon, abbreviations, acronyms and secret terms that mean nothing to anyone but us. And when we're talking to people who know what these terms mean, they make great shortcuts.

When I was running a nonprofit that promoted gender equity and girls in sports, I certainly didn't want to have to say or spell out "National Girls and Women in Sports Day" every time it was required in communication. NGWSD was shorthand that everyone in my field understood.

However, if I were speaking to an audience of prospective volunteers or donors, or writing an article for the newspaper, I certainly wouldn't want to confuse or alienate my audience by using an acronym that was unfamiliar to them. I would spell out or say the name of this annual event the first time I used it, for those who hadn't heard of it.

Here's another quick example of a confusing shortcut. While trying to schedule a session with a client of mine, I received the following cryptic message:

"Do you have any time to meet during W/C March 5th?"

I understand that W/C stands for "water closet" but I couldn't see what a toilet had to do with our next appointment. I had to e-mail him back and ask for an explanation. "Week commencing" was his response.

Now, I didn't feel particularly embarrassed to ask him this, but it did slow down our communication and took an extra e-mail to put this appointment on our calendars.

In the case of your audience, they might feel embarrassed to ask what your acronyms mean, because people have fragile egos and most are afraid of looking stupid, uninformed or uncool in any way. And sometimes, like my friend above, your audience might actually feel excluded by your language, as though they shouldn't even be asking.

Be careful when you use shortcuts. Be cautious when speaking to groups you aren't familiar with, and be safe rather than sorry by spelling out or explaining the words or expressions you're reducing. It's not always faster to use shortcuts, especially if you make communication more complex by using them with people who don't understand you.

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On The Everything Page you'll find everything you need to build visibility, credibility and influence through engaging presentations that move your participants into action: freebies, low-cost products and courses, and 1:1 coaching!

Death by infographic?

There is no doubt that infographics are the hot new thing. Want to get your message across in a fun, snappy, visual way? Make it an infographic. A simple explanation of infographics comes from Mashable: "They illustrate information that would be unwieldy in text form, and act as a visual shorthand for everyday concepts such as stop and go."

Unfortunately, infographics are quickly going the way of bad PowerPoint. In an effort to cram ALL of the information into the graphic, designers are delivering images that are no more helpful than the 500-page report they are based on.

Like PowerPoint, an infographic is supposed to make the content easier to grasp, not harder.

I picked two random infographics I've seen in the past week to illustrate the issue.

The first one is supposed to be a cheat sheet to help you remember when particular fruits are in season (there's a companion graphic for vegetables):

I find this incredibly difficult to view. A simple chart would have been more clear to me, or even *gasp* text! Not everything needs to be made into a graphic, and this is a perfect example of too much information trying to squeeze itself into a pretty visual.

Now here's a graphic that explains the best days and times to post to Twitter and Facebook:

This one is absolutely clear, with a simple color scheme that's easy to understand, and a minimum of explanatory text or directional arrows or other tricks that designers use to get you to look where your eyes are not naturally drawn. This graphic doesn't try to tell you everything in bit.ly's original report, just the most critical points.

Interestingly, bitly's original graphic on their blog is even more austere and (once you get the idea of how the days and hours are labeled) easy to follow. Click on the images to see the axes better.

There are hundreds of examples like this on the Web, and the appeal and usefulness of infographics is valid. Just remember: Whether it's a graphic or a PowerPoint slide, its purpose should be to make communication MORE clear, not less. To make your message MORE accessible, not less.

Share your favorite infographics in the comments below!

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On The Everything Page you'll find everything you need to build visibility, credibility and influence through engaging presentations that move your participants into action: freebies, low-cost products and courses, and 1:1 coaching!

How big is 7 billion?

For a great example of how to make your stats more relatable to your audience, check out this National Geographic video about the number 7 billion (unfortunately, I am unable to embed it, so please click the link to go to the page).

In the March 2011 issue, there was a simple graphic with text examples, but the video is infinitely more fun.

When you're giving mind-number figures to your audiences, do you think of ways to make them more clear and concrete?

This CNN article attempts to give us something to grasp. Associate professor of mathematics Klaus Volper says, "The number is just outside of our usual everyday scale of thinking," said Klaus Volpert, an associate professor of mathematics at Villanova University. "We count to 10 on our fingers and that's our scale, you know? Even counting to a million is already kind of outside of the everyday experience. And then once you go past a million, it becomes a blur."

Here are some examples from CNN:

"-- Seven billion seconds ago, the year was 1789. That was the year George Washington was inaugurated as the first U.S. president and Congress met for the very first time.

-- If you took 7 billion steps along the Earth's equator -- at 2 feet per step -- you could walk around the world at least 106 times.

-- Suppose an average thimble holds 2 milliliters of water. Seven billion of those thimbles would fill at least five Olympic-sized swimming pools.

-- Let's say the average human is about 5 feet tall, accounting for children. If you stack those 7 billion people end to end, they would reach about 1/14th of the way to the sun -- or 27 times the distance to the moon, Volpert said.

-- Seven billion ants, at an average size of 3 milligrams each, would weigh at least 23 tons (46,297 pounds)."

There's a bit too much "supposing" in those examples, but I think they work okay.

Now go watch the National Geographic video:

Click here to view the video.

How can you make your statistics and numbers more engaging and concrete for your audience?

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On The Everything Page you'll find everything you need to build visibility, credibility and influence through engaging presentations that move your participants into action: freebies, low-cost products and courses, and 1:1 coaching!

Where does your magic happen?

One of my all-time favorite diagrams from Jessica Hagy, who illustrates a wide range of mundane concepts and life lessons with charts and Venn diagrams.

Source: thisisindexed.com via Lisa on Pinterest

Now that you know where the comfort zone is in relation to where the magic happens, here's more about getting out of that comfort zone (hint: just DO it):

You deserve to shine

Getting out of MY comfort zone

The funny thing about the comfort zone

Facing the unknown and surviving

7 ways to kickstart the creative process



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On The Everything Page you'll find everything you need to build visibility, credibility and influence through engaging presentations that move your participants into action: freebies, low-cost products and courses, and 1:1 coaching!

July 12for12 Challenge: Get Creative With Your Voice

All 12for12 posts have been removed, as they are now part of my "SpeakUP! 8 Daily Challenges to Build Your Confidence Muscles at Work, at Home, and in Front of an Audience" online program, which will be launching mid-January 2013..

For more information on "SpeakUP," click here.

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On The Everything Page you'll find everything you need to build visibility, credibility and influence through engaging presentations that move your participants into action: freebies, low-cost products and courses, and 1:1 coaching!

I'm in Toastmaster Magazine!

In the July issue of Toastmaster Magazine, look for "Dealing With a Distracted Audience," by Tim Cigelske (the online version isn't yet available to non-members, so I've linked to the PDF on my site).

The article addresses the notion that audiences should sit quietly, hands in laps, listening raptly to a speaker. With smart phones, iPads, Twitter, Facebook and virtual notebooks at our fingertips, can we really expect this of our audiences? Does it even make sense? Can the audience tweet and chat and still be engaged?

Scott Berkun and Denise Graveline (familiar faces on this blog) weigh in on the topic, as well as yours truly.

Let me know what you think in the comments!

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On The Everything Page you'll find everything you need to build visibility, credibility and influence through engaging presentations that move your participants into action: freebies, low-cost products and courses, and 1:1 coaching!

Lessons from a drag queen

Our very own diva, Cassidy

Live performers know that the best way to get the audience's engagement is to include them in the show, whether it's making them feel like a rock star when they sing along, asking them questions that they can answer with a cheer, or bringing them onstage to participate.

I saw this in action on Saturday night at Lips drag show in San Diego.

The emcee of the evening, Tootie, pulled out all the audience engagement tools, most notably humor (after all, it was a drag show). While, as emcee, it was her job to announce each performer and keep the evening on a tight schedule (ours was the early show; a second one followed) she also kept the audience engaged in between divas.

As bridal showers and birthday parties made up the bulk of the audience, these special audience members were incorporated into the show. They were invited onstage to share their name and the occasion they were celebrating, and each one got a photo with Tootie and another diva.

You can imagine this might go on for a while and become rather dreary. Who wants to see people you don't know onstage, looking embarrassed and repeating "It's my birthday" two dozen times?

But Tootie (who does this how many times a week?) still managed to keep things lively and fun. She had a joke for every guest, and while some of her patter was canned, she was good at thinking on her feet and being in the moment with each guest.

There was also an activity that involved several brides-to-be joining Tootie onstage for a "lesson." I won't go into detail, but the activity was funny without being humiliating. Hard to pull off sometimes in a sassy/snarky environment like a drag club.

The most impressive part of the evening (from the audience engagement perspective) was the break between performers for what I'm going to call the "shot pitch." At this point in the evening, dinner and drinks were winding down and, unless they bought dessert, there would probably be no more money spent.

At this time, Tootie pitched some fruity and refreshing-sounding $3 shots, both alcoholic and nonalcoholic, to the crowd -- and made them sound like a great deal. And then in a brilliant bit of salesmanship, she asked each table, one by one, to call out their order. Out of all the people in the room, I only heard two (small) tables call out "none."

Peer pressure! But approached in a way that the audience participated out of a sense of fun and camaraderie rather than angst or guilt. I wish more Internet marketers understood upselling this well. Granted, most Internet marketers are upselling a product at the end of a mediocre and boring free teleseminar, not at the end of a dinner show.

Audience participation was key to keeping this show going full-tilt. Everyone could have sat in their seats the whole evening, passively watching the entertainment.

But when audience members get involved, we all feel a little more part of the show. And when you feel like you're part of the show, the show is going to be that much more enjoyable and memorable. And people will part with their money... so be ready to sell!

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On The Everything Page you'll find everything you need to build visibility, credibility and influence through engaging presentations that move your participants into action: freebies, low-cost products and courses, and 1:1 coaching!